The Reluctant Blogger

Pooh and Piglet

2009-04-30T20:34:00.001-07:00

Wish I Had Thought of This

2009-03-19T07:42:00.000-07:00

The nerd in me wishes I had thought of this at one time or another:

see more pwn and owned pictures

Happy Birthday!!

2009-03-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

Today is my Sweetie's birthday. We have known each other since since 1975; what is that? Thirty-four years? Sounds like a long time, doesn't it? But, it's not really (unless I try to remember something that happened oh-so many years ago - then it seems like forever).

Happy Birthday Rockandy! You are my Heart and my Rock!

Guam... Ah, the Memories...

2009-03-14T20:17:00.000-07:00

When I made a reference to Guam in my last post, Lori (from Hahn at Home) commented that she had heard that brown snakes come up through the toilets in Guam.

Now, I gotta say that that is something I never experienced in the two and a half years I lived there. Not only that, I have never even heard that particular urban legend until today. Eeeuuuuw! Yes, there are sea snakes in the shallow waters off Guam. I lived in an apartment on the beach in Tamuning, and I never saw sea snakes there. On the other side of the island, some friends saw sea snakes and came screaming out of the water. It was pretty funny watching them run all the way in! But, I never saw a brown snake. A shrew? Yup. No snakes. Cockroaches as big as your hand? Yup. Coconut crabs as big as your head? Yup. Never saw a brown snake.

I feel deprived.

But, Lori got me to reminiscing. So, here's a post from a couple years ago on my old blog (Life as a Parent). I thought I might re-post it here because, well, I love the picture of yers truly at around 90 feet! The water runs about 85°. How lovely...

First posted 4/21/2007:

Many, many years ago (I really do hate to think just how long ago it was) I lived on the island of Guam in the Mariannas Islands. Guam is one of those places that causes polarizing opinions. It's a place you can love, or you can hate.

I was fortunate - and I really loved Guam. While it could be said that I didn't like being just on Guam for over two years, I didn't mind taking advantage of being there. I was single, into water sports, and ready for adventure.

Having spent much of my T.V. teen years watching Jacques Cousteau explore shipwreck after shipwreck, I just had to get in the water and do some exploring all on my own. This is something I dreamed of doing, and now it would actually be possible. So, I got my PADI certification and no one could stop me.

The accompanying picture of me was taken along a very steep wall - I am hanging between 80-100 feet below the surface, black fan coral can be seen near my feet. (This was a planned decompression dive.) Not far from here was an underwater grotto where we would dive into the cave and swim about 60 feet (horizontal) to emerge through a large hole in the side of the cave. All around us were beautiful corals and fishes. I was swimming and twirling 360 degrees, drinking in everything. My dive buddy had a camera; I was poor, and did not. Back in the days of film and plexiglas camera housings, I could not afford an under-water camera - Nikonos - or a housing for my Pentax. So, the precious few photos given from dive buddies are all I have from that time and serve to remind me of beauty and youth.

I need to find some warm waters -- anyone for a trip to Cozumel?

(Hey, if you're from Guam reading this, drop me a quick comment and let me know you were here. I'd love hearing from you!)

On the CPM Again, & again & again...

2009-03-13T08:33:00.000-07:00

"Back in the saddle again...."

For your viewing pleasure, here is the knee 3wks out. That big ol' honkin' long pinkish-white thing there? That's from the original surgery, 1977, Agana, Guam. No arthroscopic surgery in those days, nosireee! I wore a plaster cast from the top of my thigh to my ankle. I never hated sweat so much in my life! And the itching? Oh, pu-leeeze release me!

This, today my friends, is a cakewalk by comparison.

-- Posted From My "Mobile Device"

ACL Update & Discipline

2009-03-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

Peg asks, "How's your knee rehab coming along?" Thanks for asking, Peg!

It has now been 3 weeks since my ACL reconstruction. I am totally pleased & amazed with the lack of pain and the rapidity of recovery. I can bend my knee about 110°, and when I go to PT tomorrow, my therapist said she may let me get on the reclining cycle for a while. Depends upon how much I can flex the joint on my own (ie. my muscles do the work of getting my knee bent, not by cheating with my hands holding it flexed!).

I'm going stir crazy with the limitations - going up and down stairs is a trial in patience. But that's getting better, too. I just have to keep in mind that this is an investment of my time in the health of my knee. I also look at it as a view into the future if I don't do everything to recover 100%. I do not want to be disabled. That, my friends, is to be avoided entirely - whenever possible. Needless to say, I suppose, but I find it helps to articulate it.

I'm working from home right now, and finding focus is hard. O.M.G. I never thought I'd say this, but I think I prefer working at the office! I do have my own workspace at home, but there are so many things I want do that have nothing whatsoever to do with work.

I'll figure it out... Discipline. Yeh. That's it. Discipline.

Have I Figured this Life Out Yet? ...Part Two

2009-03-11T10:38:00.000-07:00

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking. This is not necessarily good, but that's what the brain is for, right? It can't help itself. Somehow it just keeps on thinking. No help from the peanut gallery needed. When last we talked about family secrets - here - I mentioned that I didn't have any notion that I had two brothers. Heck, I only knew about one brother - that stinky, annoying turd that was always teasing and picking on me. And now I had another brother??? Older than the first one? Please say it ain't so.

It was.

I seem to have been born into a world of secrets. I didn't know it at the time. Wasn't even really aware of it. Do you know that keeping some secrets can be a betrayal? It's a betrayal of heart, of hopes and of dreams, and truth. Somehow it feels like much of my family life was shaded by closely guarded secrets. Funny thing about secrets. One way or another they do come out. What you've hidden away from others, and from yourself, may fester and ferment, and morph into something totally unexpected. There's no control when you hide something away from your heart.

My half-brother was the first major family secret I learned about as a child. It wouldn't be until I was 50 that I would learn of yet another sibling - this time a full-sibling.

But, I don't want to get ahead of myself. Stay tuned.

As it turned out, I came to consider my half-brother Ron the more trust-worthy of my siblings. He is a straight-shooter, kind-hearted and smart. He always had a smile and hug for me, never selfish. There's not much to say about my other brother. Oh, he was an okay brother to me, but kind of distant. We were relatively close when I was 16 years old and he was leaving for Viet Nam - stationed in Cam Rahn Bay. He actually let me use his Forest Green Karmann Ghia VW while he was gone. That was cool. But, after his tour, he and I never much bonded. It probably didn't help that he was stationed in Florida and has lived there to this day. Still, when we did get together - it was always oil and water.

Life goes on, and I learned to keep my own secret, because my parents were so over-bearing in their world view (can you say "ultra-conservative?"), I could not bring myself to discuss anything of this nature with them. I think I have identified as lesbian since high school. Maybe even before that, but clearly I had leanings in that direction in the late 60's, early 70's. I really had no clue what I was feeling. I just knew that when I dated guys, there was never a spark, and hardly an interest. All my girlfriends were head-over-heels for guys. Me? Not so much. But, I was clueless even when my fantasies turned to the girls I knew and liked so much.

Until college. I lived in the dorm of a Catholic college, while attending a commercial photography school nearby. Ha! My parents must've thought I would stay out of trouble that way. The joke was on them - only they didn't know it. I think Catholic girls are the most risk-taking females on the planet. Sure seemed that way to me. Had my first ever love & crush there. Painfully wonderful. Painfully secretive. Wonderfully involving. Whew!

So my world became Dorothy's Lively Secret. Indeed, little did I see that I was following in the footsteps of my family. Indeed, it was not the healthiest way to become an adult.

Then I made it worse. I joined the Navy. In those days there was no "Don't ask; don't tell." It was more simple than that:

"Hide."

Still, it was amazing how many cool women I would meet in the Navy. It actually was liberating, in a warped kind of way. It was also where I would meet my future wife - in Keflavik, Iceland, of all places...

Does all this make sense? Ask me questions if you're curious about anything.

A Brief Respite - It's Friday!

2009-03-06T07:22:00.000-08:00

First, a shout out to my blog-friends Miguelito and dr sardonicus, whose blogs I enjoy very, very much. It's been a while... I love when you visit. You know, I just want to spruce up the blog-look a bit more, that's all. Still contemplating what I want. Maybe tabs for different things, rather than crowding on one page. Not really quite sure.

And T, I'll teach you how to embed links. It's not hard, really, but sometimes a little painful. Heh.

My first week back to work post-surgery has been unremarkable, I am happy to say. The only surprise that came was on Monday when health services at the Lab called me and said my doctor's orders included "no driving."

Say What?

I received this call while sitting in my office here in town to which I had driven. My doctor had not conveyed that message to me last week. After all, it's my left leg, for goodness sakes.

So, I am currently working 100% from home, which is actually a Good Thang[tm]. I went to my first PT session yesterday, which went well, but I have exercises to do at home between my PT visits. It will be easier to do this if I'm at home 100% of the time. I still have to wear the full leg brace pretty much 24x7, including at night when I sleep, but that part (sleeping with the brace on) ends next Thursday. At that time I would like to hear a chorus of Blogger Hallelujahs, please. Thankyewverymuch!

It's somewhat difficult to concentrate 100% on working. I feel distracted. Haven't found stride, nor hit on a routine I guess. Working from home is a good thing, but you really must be disciplined to do it well.

It's a work in progress. Much like the leg, I guess!

I'm looking forward to the weekend so we can re-group. I really want to make this time productive and successful, but for now - - -

Woo-Hoo! It's Friday!!

Going for a New Blog Look Soon

2009-03-01T18:55:00.000-08:00

(More on "Have I Figured this Life Out Yet? ...Part ???" in my next posting.)

I'm getting quite frustrated with the stale old blogger templates. I've tried out various template meant to work on blogger, with fair to middling results. So, I'm going to try to host the blog elsewhere, then use a redirect, perhaps? I don't know yet. I need to look into it more deeply.

Anyone have any advice? Templates they think I'd like? I'm not looking for anything beyond free at this point in my blogging avocation. I'm not into pink, just FYI...

But, if any of you wonderful bloggers have a suggesting, I'm all ears.

Update: Here I Sit

2009-02-28T10:41:00.000-08:00

Late Thursday afternoon I saw my surgeon for my first time since the surgery. He was pleased with the progress. I was not pleased with his order,

"You must sleep at night with the leg brace on for 2 more weeks."

Argh. It is so hard to sleep with this fracking thing on at night.

He also told me that he didn't just replace the anterior crucial ligament (ACL), he did a total ACL reconstruction. He found that my ACL had, for whatever reason, adhered to the joint with scar tissue, and it no longer moved around, destabilizing the joint (Well, doh. Now we know why I couldn't rely on that leg!). In removing the ligament, also required was reaming out the space where the ligament should freely be able to run through. Thus, the reconstruction.

Guess what? I get to go back to work on Monday. Well, hey, my brain and hands are working quite well, thankyewverymuch.

If I had extra sick-leave or vacation, I wouldn't be going back quite so quickly. But, I don't have that luxury right now. But, thankfully, I can work at home for the most part. Although, I do have an office nearby, so I will gimp over there on Monday to do a video conference with my buddies back in Berkeley. That way I can stay on the same page with everyone. That is important. It's too easy to get marginalized in this business of extreme engineering. If you don't keep your hands in the mix, you may not get back into the mix.

So, I'm sitting here, in my CPM and kicking back again for the weekend. Next week I start Physical Therapy (PT). I can't wait. Yes I can. It's gonna be painful! At least, that's what they tell me.

I hope they're kidding...

Have I Figured this Life Out Yet? ...Part One

2009-02-24T13:50:00.000-08:00

I was an Air Force Brat. I thought I was the younger of 2 kids (well, really 4 kids, total (I think), but I'll save that story for later in this series of posts).

Me? I had the good fortune to be born in 1954 in San Francisco, at Letterman General Army Hospital in the Precidio. My Mom and Dad were fresh back from being stationed in Okinawa, where they had been quartered in a Quonset Hut. They were stationed on Hamilton AFB, probably living in luxury by comparison. My Pop was a pilot - he had been a fighter pilot in WWII, instructor, helicopter pilot, rescue helicopter pilot in Korea, and a transport pilot in the late 50's and early 60's.

When I was 2 years old my Pop got a transfer to McChord AFB in Tacoma, Washington. I have memories of growing up on Woodbine Lane, friends, family. Rain, snow, kindergarten where I learned to shake hands and be polite. Up until I was 5 years old, I thought I only had one brother, my brother Jack was 10 years older than me. When my Pop again got transfer orders, it was to Hickam AFB in Honolulu. That was when I learned I had a half-brother, who was a year older than Jack. He knew he had a brother, but no one had thought to tell me, just a dumb little 5 year old. That is, until it was time to go to Hawaii - and my parents thought maybe they should tell me since they were going to bring him up from Arizona and then be with us in Hawaii.

At first I remember being incredulous. It was hard for me to wrap my mind around the concept of another brother, and one who was older than Jack. I don't recall how my mom and dad told me, I just remember being quite excited. I recall loading into the Caddy and going for a ride to the Tacoma Bus Station - It was probably Greyhound or something. This was 1959, I think. I remember one of the first things Ron ever said to me was, "How ya doing, Bean Pole?" And that was his nickname for me since forever. He's since transferred it to my daughters, a name I willingly allow them to use.

He is my mother's son, from a previous marriage. Mom won't talk much about that time to this day. Ron still tries to draw information out of her about his origins... That's another story as well.

We had a yellow MG convertible at the time. I remember the running boards on it, and the wonderful leather seats. Pop sold it before we left for Oahu. I wish I could really remember that car better. The "family car" was a powder blue 1956 Caddy. That was some comfy car. We would take holidays and drive down to Santa Barbara on old Highway 99 and 101, to visit old family friends, the Bettencourts. I would stretch out across the seat with my bed pillows. No seat belts in those days. I remember stopping at a motel where each room, or suite, was just a very tall, A-framed, pine log cabin. Reminded me of tee-pees. I slept in a bed in the loft. Sweet! On one of those trips, at 4 years old, I caught my first fish off the Santa Barbara pier. Somewhere in a dusty box there's a small black and white picture of me proudly holding up and displaying my 4" fishy. How cute can you get? Ha!

It was nearly my 6th birthday when we packed up our bags, our home, ourselves, and drove one last time down to California - destination Travis AFB. From there my own Pop would be piloting the C-118 passenger turbo prop plane to our new home in Honolulu, Hawaii - Oahu. The next four years would be my formative growing years. They would imprint me for the rest of my life.

In Response to My Readers

2009-02-23T11:47:00.000-08:00

I'm watching "Rocky and Bullwinkle" while in the CPM machine. Can't get better than that, can it? Heh.

It's nice to see some old signatures as well as new ones stopping by the comment line. Welcome to StephLove, and to Peg from PA. Peg, do you have a blog? How can I repay the visit if I don't have your blog address? I have enjoyed your comments.

The knee is coming along, thank you. I can put weight on it, and I'm up to about 70 degrees of flex on the CPM. A friend mentioned to me that her surgeon used a ligament from her patella (think she said) instead of a donor ligament. Well, unfortunately, that wouldn't work for me. About 32 years ago the original injury occurred when I played on an all-navy softball team. It was a Lesbian-Honored pass-time, although so many words were not said in those days. I was sliding into 2nd when the opposing player jumped up to catch the ball coming in from center field. Unfortunately for me, she came down right on top of my leg, dislocating the knee cap and a sundry of other injuries. The ligament over the patella at that time had to be re-attached to my tibia. Not fun. 7" scar on the front of my knee to show my battle wounds for the rest of my life. No arthroscopic surgery in Guam in 1977. :sigh:

The knee held up very well for about 20 years, and then about 7 years ago I was running up a ramp when I tore my meniscus. That slowed me down a lot. Had a clean-up surgery then. The knee was never all that great afterward. Fast forward to about 2 years ago. One of the orthopedic surgeons in our medical group is one of the surgeons for the Oakland A's. Lots of practice, thinks I. So, I started seeing him, procrastinated as long as I could, but then finally took the plunge.

Here I sit. On my butt. It's boring, but I'm very lucky. In a future post I will boast about my lovely wife who has been nothing short of an angel and a saint while taking care of me. And the girls. And the house, and the ornery cats. The woman needs a break!

I've got to come up with a wonderful reward for my lady. If it were not for her, I would be very, very sad.

Hugs, Honey!

Here I Sit...

2009-02-21T11:26:00.000-08:00

Had a 3-For-One knee surgery on Wednesday. Replaced the ACL, repaired the torn meniscus, & a Chondroplasty. In the immortal words of my surgeon, "it was a mess in there."

This picture shows my leg in a CPM ( continuous passive motion) machine. I use it 3x a day for 2 hours at a time. Each day I add 5 degrees to the range of motion from the day before.

Contrary to looks and the extent of the surgery it's not all that painful. What is a pain is the full leg brace I must wear 24x7, except when in the CPM. Sleeping is a challenge.

Valentine's Day, Peggy Flemming, and the Grocery Store

2009-02-15T23:38:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, I was tooling around town running various errands and things. I dropped Megan off at a friend's house, then went down my list of Honey-Do's. Kandy, meanwhile, was out and about with Katie shopping at Kohls. We planned on making pizza from scratch, so my last stop was the grocery store to pick up items for dinner.

So, I'm wandering around the store with my mini-cart, taking my time to look at all the goodies on the shelves. I usually just rush in, get stuff, and rush back out, but I had some time before I needed to pick up Megan. While mindlessly strolling down the bread isle, over the store address system comes the announcement, "Shoppers, Peggy Flemming is in the store today in our wine tasting area. Come on by to taste some wine and meet Peggy Flemming." (Or words to that effect.)

I'm like, "No. Really?" So I go over there to check it out, and sure enough there's Ms. Flemming. I immediately get on the cell to call Kandy (who is a Big Fan).

"Hon, you will never in a million years guess who's here in Safeway today... Peggy Flemming!"

Kan says, "Stop! She is not!"

"Would I lie to you about this? She's here. I'm staring right at her."

"Stop! Really? How long will she be there? Lori is picking us up to go to the fund raiser."

Long story short, while she was getting Lori to swing by the store, I tasted their two wines, a Syrah a Cabernet blend called "Choreography. Yummo. Peggy is quite personable (of course), and very pretty at 60 years old! Her husband of 38 years is a retired physician (he was there, too). The wine we were tasting was from here in Livermore Valley, of their 2005 bottling which came from vinyards grown on some of John Madden's land about 5 miles from our home. Peggy said that they plan that the proceeds from their next bottling, in April, will go towards fighting breast cancer. She said she "is an 11-year survivor of breast cancer."

I should mention that our Safeway was remodeled recently and has a special wine-tasting area. It has always been free to taste selected wines. They have various local wineries (often it's the owners themselves) coming in for an hour or two on evenings and weekends. After tasting, I used to walk out of Safeway feeling like I had better not drive for a while! Woowee! Lately, because of that, I haven't been "tasting" quite so often.

Kandy bought their "Choreography" wine, and Peggy signed it "Happy Valentine's Day!" with her signature. We may not open that bottle for quite some time. I hope it ages well.

Kandy with Peggy Flemming:

All in all, just another typical day in Livermore. ;-)

Pizza Sunday! - Yummo!

2009-02-15T22:12:00.000-08:00

I enjoy making things from scratch. Here's my latest effort. Home made pizza dough, sauce and all the fixen's:

Sometimes You Get Lucky

2009-02-03T18:05:00.000-08:00

Last year when I was laid off, I was out pounding the pavement desperately seeking employment. I would go to any interview, look at any position that might be offered. Little did I know that pornography would offer itself up to me as an option.

I remember an interview in San Francisco. It was set up for me by Robert Half Technology - a big name for a big company that does head-hunting. I had gone to RHT and taken their piddly tech exam - which I could have done in my sleep. Somehow that elevated their interest in me. Thing is, the exam was multiple choice and I'm sure my 13 year old could have done as well just by elimination of choices.

So, I get a call from the RHT San Francisco office from a man I had never spoken to before. It was a bit of a cold call and I could hear him swish over the phone. While I never met him, he sure did sound like a gay man. I thought, cool. Family. This might work out okay.

So he said he had a hot lead in downtown SF, off of Market Street. Would I be interested? Well, why not? Then he said,

"Uhm. Do you have a problem with... porn?"

Thoughts are racing. No, I guess I don't really have a problem with porn. As long as I don't have to look at it. And, it doesn't involve children in any way. I'm a live and let live kind of girl. So I said, "Uhm. No. Not really. Why?"

As it turned out, the client was a company which provided pornography online. In my head I'm screaming, "What???!!!? You're kidding, right?" Out loud I said, "Uh-huh."

Oy. Never in my wildest dreams did I consider that I would be asked to interview for a tech position at a porn company.

But, the thoughts were coming fast and furious now. I hadn't worked in months and the bank account was getting pretty lean. I had two kids and a partner relying on me. But what would they think of me? What would I say to them about the business? Maybe I wouldn't have to tell them...? Rats, that wouldn't work! What to do?

Eh. It was just an interview. Let's see how far this roller coaster ride would go. So, I consented to a phone interview, and that went well. Two days later, I found myself getting off BART and wandering around downtown SF. I was a half hour early... it must've been about 9:30 in the morning. There were a LOT of homeless looking people. My oh my.

There were pan-handlers. There was one woman in particular, an Asian woman who had a large suitcase on rollers. Her purse sat on top of it as she pulled it down the street. She stopped a moment, pulled a paper sack out of her purse, pulled a tall beer can out of the bag, and slipped the can on the sidewalk under one of the newspaper stands. She then strode off to a convenience store a couple doors down. The next thing I knew another woman came along and picked up the can - which was evident that it be not quite empty. She took a swig, kept the can and walked off. In the mean time the first woman came back with a new can of beer, put it in the paper sack, put it in her purse, and off she went.

I'm thinking to myself - would I want to take BART into the city every day and be a part of this crowd? Well, I would do it if it meant having food and roof over our heads, given no other options.

So I headed down to the street where the business was located. It wasn't so much a street as it is a large alley. Not a good sign. I find the door - a security door with a camera above it. I get buzzed in. Walk up the stairs into a loft-like area. It's a nicely done office area. There were some big porn posters - nothing overtly outrageous, but still... They ushered me into a nice conference room where we talked about this and that. Technical things, my willingness to be on call, how would I feel about working at home if necessary (there may be photos on the screen), stuff like that.

When I walked out of there, I really, really, really did not want to work there. But at the same time I was struggling. What if they did offer me the job? What if I didn't get any more offers? Could I work for them for a short contract to see?

Eeeeuuwwww!

I hated thinking about it. If I worked there, I couldn't tell my friends, I'm not sure I could even tell my family. What was I to do?

As it turned out, when I got home I worked very hard at getting more contacts. I got a couple of other irons heating up in the coals. By the time the porn-guys actually did call and offer me a job, it was with relief and happiness that I could turn them down and take a contract with a bank instead.

And that, my friends, was as close as I ever hope to come to working in the pornography industry. It makes my skin crawl just to think about it.

Dodged a bullet that time, I think.

Stupor Bowl

2009-02-01T13:37:00.000-08:00

Over the last few years, the Super Bowl Frenzy has died down in our household. I attribute this observation to the fact that none of "my" teams have made it to the Ultimate Play-off in the last few years. There are other reasons. One that comes to mind s that the friends with whom we might have celebrated are no longer living nearby. None of our families live here, and when my Dad passed on a couple of years ago, there really wasn't anyone with whom I still loved to share or swap a football story with any longer. We used to talk at half-time on the phone about the game. I miss that.

That, and the Super Bowl just seems just so, so, so commercialized. Yet, for this fan, it seems so frivolous.

We don't have one of those nifty Big Screen TVs, so I won't embarrass the family by attempting to have a Super Bowl Party at the house. None of our close friends are football fans - unless you're talking about Soccer. Even if they were, we'd find it hard to root for Pittsburgh or Arizona.

All that being said, the family is still gonna watch it today. We'll have some chips and dip and pick a team to twist and shout for. I'm going for Arizona, the True Underdogs. Kandy is going for Pittsburgh, god knows why.

I used to be a Pittsburgh fan of the late 70's and early 80's - back when the rivalry with Dallas was the best that there ever has been in football. Man, those teams really knew how to manage the clock. The quarterbacks called the plays. That was really good football. In my most humble opinion, today's football is fraught with individuals and managers. It's a game of numbers and not of heart. It's been a while since I've seen a heart like Joe Montana displayed.

So, pardon me while I go make some guacamole and get the chips into some bowls. At least we can eat good, and watch the commercials.

Getting the Hang of the Weekend Kitchen

2009-01-31T13:54:00.000-08:00

I spent yesterday in the kitchen. Spent the first hour or so cleaning it. Cleaning! It is remarkable to me how little time it takes a family of four to make a mess of the counters and kitchen table over night. I could have sworn it was clean when I went to bed...

In an effort to save money on store-bought snacks, I wanted to use things we had on hand to make something everyone would enjoy. A couple weeks ago a friend dropped off a half-dozen of home-grown lemons. Having used 4 of them over that time (I love a wedge in my Diet Coke - yum!) for various things - like baked fish one evening - we still have 2. So, thumbing through our various recipe books, I found a simple and quick Lemon Bread with Poppy Seeds. It was incredibly easy to make - but, sadly, it was so easy I didn't even need to use my new mixer. Sadness was all around, but passed quickly. Here's what it looked like (after the family decimated half of it!):

Next I turned my creative juices to thinking about dinner. We haven't had my Chicken Enchilada Verde in a long time. I really enjoy making this simple dish. On a chilly day it's truly a comfort meal. It's easiest when using left-over chicken from a previous meal. But, when you don't have left-overs, it's easy enough to bake a couple of oregano peppered chicken breasts until cooked through (about 30 minutes at 350°F), then cool and shred. I use onion, garlic and green chilies, Monterey jack cheese, corn tortillas and a Verde enchilada sauce. This time around I decided to try putting the enchiladas on a bed of rice before topping everything with the sauce and some of the cheese.

Turned out great. Sorry, no picture. It disappeared!

Have You Ever Noticed...?

2009-01-14T13:51:00.000-08:00

That when everyone is in meeting (except you), the email traffic plummets to near readable levels?

That they're probably piling work on you just because you're not there?

That long-awaited phone call comes, not when it was supposed to, no. It comes when you finally can't stand it any longer and run off to the bathroom.

You work your ass off doing everything they want you to do, and then decide they didn't want it done that way? (It was the way they specified, dammit!)

That when you throw the software over the wall, it just comes - splat! - back at you?

That you turn your cell phone off before going into a meeting, and everyone in the world wants you and you needed to know that?

:sigh:

Got any more?

One Last Fling...

2009-01-04T09:56:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is a work day. Bah-Humbug! We've been home-bodies for nearly the entire holiday and now we were itching to get out and about. Kandy was making noises about driving to the coast - but at this time of year its not pleasant to get out of the car and walk the beach, what with the strong winds and rain. Brrr. I rather like my beach excursions to be more pleasant. Then, I thought Yosemite might be a good drive - but the snow could be a problem.

I was online chatting with a friend when I realized they were in Sacramento. We had never done anything fun in Sacramento in a while, so off we went...!

... to a day-trip to Sacramento. One of our good friends is the Executive Director to the Mental Health Commission, and we rarely see her, so on the road we went. We met up with Sheri and Jules just after noon and took off to the Home and Garden Show a few blocks away. Here's a pic of Katie and Megs - you'd think I had had too much caffeine or something... ?

The show was a bit disappointing - it was about 95% Home and 5% Garden - and I'm being generous to the Garden side. Our shows at the Alameda County Fairgrounds are much better, and cover just about every aspect of H&G. Oh well.

Sheri took us over to the capitol building - I hadn't been there since 1969. OMG, have things really changed. Such modern structures surround the building. But, once inside, we wandered around marveling at the beauty of the old building. Here's a picture of the California Senate Floor (I think). Notice the laptops?

Lastly, we were in the rotunda, just under the dome. One more picture for you viewing pleasure. We then found a Paesano's - Jules and I drank Fat Tire Ale, watched San Diego bumble their way to a win against the Colts.

What did you do on your Holiday Vaca?

Last Day of the Year

2008-12-30T21:45:00.000-08:00

On a personal level, it has been a tough year. Getting laid off from a job I thought I would retire from upset my equilibrium. I didn't think I could survive this a second time around. But, as the saying goes, when one door closes, another door opens. That was certainly the fortunate case for me. It was rocky going for a while, but fortunately, my skills are needed, but experience and skills are in very short supply, and that saw us through. The support of our friends has been the key to coming out on the other side. Still, given the hideous economy, I still have a tendency to hold my breath.

My children are well. Katie's Juvenile Inflammatory Arthritis (JIA) may have gone into remission - or may even disappear entirely. We continue to be vigilant and grateful. Megan is happy and thriving.

All the same, it's been a tough year for a LOT of people, and I'm afraid the troubles are no where near subsiding any time soon. The mortgage debacle? Puleeze. For years, as the prices of homes went higher and higher, and they were actually being sold for asking or better, I wondered aloud to Kandy, "How do these people buy a home at these prices? What kind of money are they making that they can afford a $750,000 mortgage on a track home?" Well, I guess we all know now. Unlike the media, I can fault most recipients of those "creative" mortgages. You've got to have your head up your ass not to know that the BIG bill would come due just around the corner. Now many of them are pleading ignorance.

Yes, some people really may have been ignorant. Some may have been led down a winding path, but there are way too many people in this situation to have not known what they were getting into.

Just the same, the lenders are just as much at fault. Not to mention the house of cards within the industry creating and interleaving monies as if tomorrow would never come.

Okay, I just realized I have been ranting. This isn't what I intended for this post. Please forgive me.

I will raise my glass to you and to the New Year, wish you all wellness, love, and happiness. I love reading your blogs, and am sorry I haven't participated much this last year. That will change.

Christmas Day - Now where is the storage space?

2008-12-25T21:34:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to you, too, Z! And, thanks, T, for the visit and encouragement. I have so much to say, but it stays locked up inside. I am not sure why, nor what has happened. More of that in another post. Blogging used to be easier...

Kandy and I are lying in bed. We're supposed to be watching TV, happily resting after a long day of family togetherness. Instead, the TV is on, but Kan lies next to me softly snoring, and I have my laptop perched on a pillow, while a STTNG Marathon is on in the background.

Megan is out in the living room on the couch, Katie snoozing, snuggled up against her as she plays a video game. Everyone is sated and happy. The house glows with winter lights, the winds have subsided, and there is no more rain for now.

I am the happy owner of a new, bright red Artisan Kitchenaid Mixer. This is something I have wanted for a very long time, but just could not ever lay out the money for it myself. I just couldn't do it. Oh, I'd buy the kids or Kandy this and that, but I could never get around to getting that mixer.

Kandy knew that, she's known it for many, many years - I've always drooled for one. Even told her not to spend the money, we cannot really afford the expense. But, since she has, I am a happy camper.

Tomorrow - bread. After that, the sky is the limit!

Once Upon a Tme in Winter

2008-12-23T21:33:00.000-08:00

There is a little Elf named Kandy. She scattered cheer and lights and love wherever she roamed... through the house.

In a cove, or over the door...

And when her work was done, she rested by the Merry Tree. I am so lucky to have such a talented wife.

New Beginning... It's a Job!

2008-09-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

So, I started my new career at ESnet this Monday. Today is Wednesday... I love the people (so far), I'm okay with the office (no window), I get lots and lots of very cool toys - can you say "technology is good to Deb?" The commute sucks rocks, but I've joined a carpool which makes that much easier. Berkeley is, well, Berkeley. I like to call it Berzerkeley - my pet name for the place. Getting here in the morning is not much of a problem, but leaving the campus and avoiding pedestrians of all sorts in the afternoon is trying.

I'll be taking pictures of the heavenly views - from here you can see San Francisco, the Golden Gate Bridge, the old and the new Bay Bridge (under construction), the bay islands, plus all kinds of lovely things from just outside my building. It's gorgeous. I'm told that on a very clear day you can see the Farallon Islands beyond the Golden Gate Bridge. Not a thing like where I worked before. That, alone, makes the commute worthwhile.

Eventually, after I pick up on what my job is going/supposed to entail, I'll be able to work in Livermore one to two days per week - starting sometime in November. They have an office there with a server room, and a bunch of cubicles where my phone will ring in one of them there, as well as here. I love that. About ten or twelve others work there 1-2 days/week already.

Not too shabby!

I won! I won! I finally won something!

2008-09-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

I'm one of those people who never wins anything. But, you know what???? I finally won something.

And, it's really cool, too. Something that is frivolous, but fun. Yummy, but something we'd never do for ourselves.

And, it won't include kids!

I'm all over that. Heh. I won two tickets to "The Monterey County Wine Experience." Four succulent hours of wine tasting and ordourves.

I've Lost Count

2008-08-17T19:11:00.000-07:00

Don't know how many times I have tried to blog... I don't want a post to sound like a Dear Diary entry. I want to entertain, share, marvel, and commune with my fellow bloggers.

Instead there are frozen fingers on a keyboard.

So, maybe to get the ball rolling again, I'll make a list. Maybe it could be meme? I love lists. Make them all the time. A list helps me to stay on track, to know where I am in the scheme of things.

On the job front, I am still working a contract for BofA. Can't say I'm all that impressed with the company. The building where I park my butt must be over 50% vacant. They had some lay-offs last week in the mortgage department. Bad times for banks.

Let's see, what next?

Finally had a few good interviews for a permanent position. One at ESnet, and it went swimmingly. I had the interview on Monday, and they called me with an offer on Friday. Still mulling it.

Meanwhile, after the interview with ESnet, a "well-known high-tech compnay in Silicon Valley" contacted me four times for four different open positions. Jeeeze, when it rains, it pours. I hear nothing of substance for four weeks, then they're calling me all over the place. Boggling.

I think the reason I had no contacts during the previous four weeks is because the new quarter begins in August. Everything freezes until a company is assured of direction and funds.

So, with a generous and substantial offer in my hip pocket I will go into the Valley tomorrow to interview for another very interesting position.

Logistically, I think I'd prefer a job in the Valley, but interviewing is a very odd thing. You might think you'd fit into a job quite well, but then they ask you questions that, if I was sitting at a keyboard I could answer lickety-split - I don't commit obscure commands or clauses in config files to memory, for god's sake.

Oops. I'm ranting.

Daughter #1 just came in and says her computer "is not working." "What do you mean?" asks I. "I can do anything in iTunes." Oh, then the computer is working, but not the app.

Gotta go before the whining starts.

I can't stand whining.

Can you?

Back from the Beach

2008-07-28T19:31:00.001-07:00

We're back from sand in cracks we knew not we had, back from pelicans and wet dogs. Back from collections of sand dollars, crab shells, gull feathers, and late night bonfires.

A Good Times were had by all.

More later...

Off to the Beach!

2008-07-24T08:24:00.001-07:00

I have been gainfully employed for 3 days, and I've had it!

;-)

No, we have had a beach house get-a-way planned since January with 2 other families. So we're off to the coast today for 3 days and 2 nights near Capitola. So, when I took the job, I stipulated that these days I wouldn't be hanging around - turns out that worked out quite well, since things aren't moving too quickly on the project I'm on.

I'll try to have some pics to show y'all when I get back. Don't you have too much fun while I'm away, 'kay? Heh.

Oh, and Terroni? Sure you did. Uh huh.

:-)

Cubicles As Far As the Eye Can See

2008-07-21T18:26:00.001-07:00

This is not a picture of my workplace... it is a representation. (And, as you can see, this is a dated picture, since there is an actual tube monitor for a video screen.)

Today I began a career as a consultant in a hive. The place is downright BLAH. And as quiet as a tomb, except for the occasional conversation stray conversation drifting over the shimmering air above the cubicles.

Saving me is the fellow I currently report to - he is amiable and smart and he's also going on 2 weeks vacation starting next Monday. That's okay, I is a professional. I are technical. We'll be just fine. Heh.

The members of my team are all over the place. They're still coming on board. While at my desk today, though, I got two head-hunter calls. Can't let a moment go wasted.

More later. Must go be with the family...

Rewiring For Sound and the Heart of the Matter

2008-07-18T12:33:00.000-07:00

Isn't it amazing what medical science promises to do for us?

Way back in the dark ages (circa '91?), while I was working for a company called Teradyne, in my capacity as resident guru I had reason to drive over to the offices of PacBell. (Later to be gobbled up by AT&T.) PacBell was your typical corporate mega-venue. Lots and lots of cubicles, youngsters pushing mail carts with inter-office mail, and loads of suits and pointy high-heel shoes. It looked to me like the offices of IBM-wannabes.

This California Casual Girl in Birkenstocks was completely out of her element. I may have gloated.

Anyway, while at PacBell I had the pleasure to meet a nondescript, balding, but genial man. His name was Scott Adams. Yes, the Scott Adams. The creator of Dilbert had not yet left his corporate environment and still worked for PacBell. We chatted for a few minutes, passing the time. I have always remembered the vanilla encounter, but I'm sure the memory of that occasion died a quick death in Scott's memory.

All the same, I have followed his career from afar. He lives about 10 miles from us, although our paths have not again crossed. He co-owns a restaurant near us, as well as another further away. I read his blog. And that brings me to the first subject of this post.

The local newspaper did a feature on Scott a while back and that was where I learned that he has been suffering from brain disorder, Spasmodic Dysphonia, that won't allow him to speak in certain situations. I think he cannot carry on a conversation with someone in person, but can speak on the phone, or in rhyme, or if he pinches his nose (How Annoying!). He goes into remission, at times. I think the disorder has been quite fluid in its symptoms. He also can no long draw the cartoons with pen and paper, but has to use a computer to generate the cartoons.

Well, today in his blog he reported that he had surgery to re-wire the nerves to his vocal chords. That must have been delicate work! I find it truly and wonderfully amazing that our body can be so manipulated to by-pass these devastating problems. I wish him the best in his recovery.

And, secondly, to the heart of the matter, in Seattle my 34 year old niece had heart surgery yesterday in an effort to control rapid heart beats resulting from too-rapid nerve firings. The effect of which has been seizures, sometimes landing her in the ER and the need to use the defibrillator paddles to shock the heart into rhythm. The surgery, cardiac ablation essentially destroys the nerve bundles that are causing the irregular and rapid heart beats.

We are all rejoicing in the success of her surgery. She's going home today to Olympia, and her husband, her Mom & Dad (my brother) will be doing their best to keep three, small, energetic children occupied as she recovers with bed-rest.

Life is good.

Speaking in Non Sequiturs

2008-07-18T01:43:00.000-07:00

Nearly 13 year old Daughter #1 just loves to tell anyone who will listen, or even who isn't listening, about anything that crosses her mind and strikes her fancy.

It could be about the cat attacking her toes, the plot of a TV show, something that struck her funny, or even a friend's hang-nail (yes, true). It could be anything.

Now, I do want to encourage her communications skills. I love it that she wants to talk to her Moms about anything that occurs to her. But, she speaks in non sequiturs. The girl wouldn't know the point of a story if it bit her nose. Riding along with her on this verbal journey is an exercise in being lost in a litany of words whose content makes no sense to the listener. Or, at least no sense to me.

I find myself being impatient with her and imagine myself screaming in exasperation,

"Daughter! Is there a point to this story? Is there a plot? Why have I been standing here listening for 20 minutes and I still don't know what you want to tell me?"

So, she attempts to quickly finish up. For 5 more minutes. By the end of the next series of non sequiturs, the conclusion is never satisfying enough for me to think that my listening has served a successful purpose.

::sigh::

I have tried to gently guide her story telling, to no avail. I am hopeful that she will figure out the art of a short story on her own. It would be nice to listen to her and actually be able to follow where she's going.

Do any of you have experience with this? What have you done? Do the get less ditsy?

Please tell me they do!

Family Recipe - Mmmmmm... Cookies!

2008-07-17T07:01:00.000-07:00

Back in the olden days, before kids, when I could eat anything I wanted an not gain a pound, I used to make big batches of cookies. I'd take them to work and share with anyone who wanted to munch the delicious morsels.

Eventually, all good things shall pass. All I need to do is look at a cookies or cake and the pounds start multiplying - right onto my hips.

But, now we have two growing girls who love to bake. So I dusted off my recipe book where I wrote down my own modified recipes for future reference. The recipes have origins that may be well-known, or not. The fact is, I don't remember where the original recipes came from. I claim the modified food algorithms as my own, but who knows? If you see a recipe posted here that you recognize, please kindly let me know in the comment section. I will gladly give credit where credit is due!

Here is one of my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipes. I am not one for pancake flat chocolate chip cookies. I like my cookies to have a bit of a chewiness and some substance. I'm the only one in the family who adores nuts, so if I want cookies with nuts, I usually make a 3rd of the recipe with them, and the rest is nut-free (unlike the inhabitants of our household).

Deboo's Yummy Chocolate Chip Cookies
2 c. butter	5 c. blended oatmeal
4 c. flour	1 tsp salt
2 tsp baking soda	2 tsp baking powder
2 c. sugar	2 c. dark brown sugar
4 eggs	2 tsp vanilla
12 oz. chocolate chips	12 oz. white chocolate chips
3 oz. chopped macadamia nuts

(Recipe makes about 112 or so. Lots and lots of cookies. Freeze some dough for later... if you like.)

Measure oatmeal, then blend in food processor (or blender) until the oats turn into a fine powder. This is a must. If it's not a fine powder, you'll have oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. This is not what we're going for. Got that?
Cream butter and both sugars (you may substitute margarine for butter with no degradation in flavor or texture. It just works. )
Add eggs and vanilla to creamed sugar and butter mixture in previous step.
Now for the hard part: Thoroughly mix together flour, oatmeal, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
Done mixing? Rest your arm for about 4 minutes.
Now mix in all the chocolate chips. Once the chocolate chips are mixed in, and if you're going to divide the batter, this is when you do it, before adding the nuts. Divide and conquer - add the nuts to the batter and mix.
Roll into balls and place about 1-2" apart on the cookie sheet. I like to use baking parchment paper rather than greasing the pan. No muss, no fuss. Unless you don't have parchment on hand - then grease the pan with your favorite pan lubricant.
Bake for 10 minutes in a 375 degree oven.
Cool and enjoy!

DP Benes and North Carolinia

2008-07-16T12:38:00.000-07:00

Now I know that some of you may live in or near North Carolina. I have never been fortunate enough to visit that fine state. I am certain it has a beauty all its own.

But I am so glad that we do not live there. We are so lucky to live in California where our family is accepted so readily that there's nary a blink of an eye. I like it that way. We're nondescript, not all that different from most anyone else on our suburban street. Even in business, or dealings with the medical community, it's nothing to get worked up about.

So, it came as a jarring reality to me that outside of California there are millions of people who do not enjoy the rights we enjoy in the Golden State. Yesterday I spent half a work day filling out forms, compiling copies of forms, getting signatures notarized and finally sending everything via FedEx to my new employer in North Carolina. All was well until they noticed I had neglected to send along 3 of 6 items requested to "prove" our Domestic Partnership. NC has a law banning same-sex marriage, but hiring outside the state, they do allow that there are Domestic Partnerships. I haven't had to prove this for at least 10 years, other than by stipulating our partnership, etc. They won't even accept a California DP certificate, and of course they don't recognize same-sex marriage in California.

We sent our co-registered car registration, copy of a Power of Attorney dated 1994, and a copy of our joint checking account deposit slip. If that verifies our domestic bliss, it seems to me anyone could comply with items such as these and claim benefits.

If states would just see the legal light and give us the same right to marriage as strayt couples, the states would benefit, they could claim to be going "green" by eliminating unnecessary paperwork, lawyers might have to find another revenue stream to support their accustomed lifestyle, and we could all just get on with the business of living.

As a side note, I noticed that the wedding industry in San Francisco has experienced a lot of growth in the last month. All those new gay weddings require flowers, invitations, dinners, suits, dresses, wedding planners, cakes... the list goes on ad infinitum. At least one industry is having a boon!

Honey, You Just Have To Go On

2008-07-15T01:37:00.000-07:00

A black cloud hangs over the house. Or is it just me? Every day I get up eager to meet the day, and then I stumble over things left in my path the preceding days before this one.

Getting laid off from a job you thought you'd have until retirement is devastating. Being too young to retire, and too old to start over is a most jarring reality to face head-on. I am getting so tired of functioning at this high level of awareness. I want to rest. I want to spend my days fishing, or writing, or reading.

But, I have a family to support. We have a home to pay for - the investment which we hope will someday appreciate again in value instead of decline. We have two children to see into their adulthood. We may not be able to afford to put them through a four year college, but perhaps we'll get them through a community college.

And then? And then I'm done. We're scaling back. I cannot go on living my life this way. I want to slow down and find the inner self I once knew in my earlier years. I want to find and walk a different path into my later years. I don't know what form that will take, nor where that might lead us, I just know that we must find that path.

Kandy wants to go to New Zealand. I wonder if that would work?

Yummy Dinner for Four (minus one)

2008-07-14T19:32:00.000-07:00

Tonight's dinner should have been yesterday's Sunday Dinner. It was waaaaay too hot yesterday to cook. So I didn't. Not inside. I took out some pre-home-made hamburgers from the freezer (leftovers from the last couple of times we had them) and grilled them outside. Quick. Easy. No Fuss, no muss. Everyone satisfied. But. Slightly forgettable.

The local fish monger had some alaskan salmon filets on sale - making it affordable for us. Salmon is one of our fave fishies. Probably because we don't have it very often.

Tonight's salmon was out of this world. Here's our menu:

White rice:
- 1.5c. rice to 1c water + 1c. chicken broth,
- all mixed with 1/4 chopped onion
- Steam 40 minutes
Snow peas - steamed aldente

4 Salmon Filets:

Sprinkle liberally with lemon pepper or seasoning of choice. Let seasoning sit on filets for at least 10 minutes before grilling
On stove, coat non-stick pan or grill with olive oil or favorite non-stick spray oil; thoroughly heat to pan to medium heat
Put filets onto grill skin-side up and grill until filets look about half-cooked from the side
Flip to other side - grill to desired doneness; drizzle fresh lemon juice over fish as it cooks (Do NOT use that nasty lemon juice in a bottle. Too bitter!)

Serve warm and enjoy!

As I was fixing above Yummy Dinner, we got a call from a neighbor where Megan has been playing all day. She's doing an over-night now, so will be missing her absolute favorite dinner. ::sigh:: I guess I'll have to somehow save her salmon for her... If someone doesn't snatch it before she gets home!

(Sorry, no pictures. We ate it before I could think about taking a picture!)

Well, it's a Job

2008-07-12T11:49:00.001-07:00

Last week I got a call from out of the blue. As in, what the heck is this 704 area code on my cell phone? Hell, I don't know anyone in North Carolina, do I? General rule of mine is to not answer unfamiliar numbers calling me. However, this one went through my Grand Central service which is a number I only give out under special circumstances.

Like, um, job hunting.

So, I went online and listened to the voice mail - it was from a ~~head-hunter~~ job recruiter in North Carolina. She said she had found my profile on LinkedIn. In case you're not familiar with it, LinkedIn as business-oriented social networking site, mainly used by technical professionals. It has actually been quite instrumental and fruitful in opening the doors to quite a few businesses in my job search. Can I say it again? I love the Internet!

The recruiter is working for Bank of America who is looking for people of my ilk to perform technical feats of wonder. Essentially, they need talent to install Linux servers here and there. They're hiring in California, Virginia and North Carolina.

So, I interviewed with BofA's powers-that-be. They liked me. Made me an offer I couldn't refuse. The downside is that it is a short contract - only goes to September. The upside is that it could pan into a full-time position, or at least a longer contract.

The Big Upside is that it brings money into the sorely depleted reserves. I start July 21st. It's a 30 mile drive each way. At least it'll be mostly counter-commute.

I'm just grateful to be working again... and making the most of it!

Musings on Homelessness from the Reluctant Blogger

2008-07-11T13:40:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it? Blogging seemed like such a non-essential task when compared to the monumental task of finding a job that supports our current lifestyle. So much so that I just couldn't bring myself to be here. All the same, I've been of two minds about it - I should use the blog to blow off steam, bounce ideas around, even use it to explore new ideas. Yet, getting to doing it, to blog ... well, it just didn't happen. I always felt guilty somehow, that I wasn't doing enough in the job search. Plus, there was the Big D to fight off. You know. Depression. Kept rearing its ugly head

So, no blogging. Until today.

Last week found me taking BART into the City. Why was I doing this? Earlier in the week a slightly annoying SF gay-boy-head-hunter had latched on to me because my talents fit a position for a client he was working with. The boy just kept calling and calling me. Nothing wrong with persistence - I should know. It's just that no matter what I said in the course of our conversations he'd reply, "Oh, of course!" at the same time stepping onto my words. That is just so annoying. Makes me wonder if he is really listening in all that eagerness. At any rate, he set up a phone screen for me with the client. That went well, and then the client wanted a face-to-face interview. Rather than driving into the City - gas is nearing $5/gallon here - I opted for a BART $10.50 round-trip - gas costs would have run me more than twice that.

Nice thing about our particular BART line is that I pick it up at the beginning of the local line. This means that getting a seat is no problem and I get to do a lot of people watching en route to the City. A real cross-section of the local population rides the train. At one point a seemingly homeless woman sat next to me. Her clothes were disheveled, nothing matched, her hair a bit unkempt. All the same she was as nice as anyone else on the train... except that she was in dire need of a bath. Being next to her I contemplated what it must be like to be without personal resources, resources that are plainly hygienic in nature. A daily hurdle to overcome - and perhaps one that is not easy to overcome, especially for a woman.

As it turns out, this was just a small taste of what I was about to experience.

I got off the train at the Civic Center station on Market St. in San Francisco. Believe me when I tell you that this is not the finest part of the City. Thanks to Google Maps, I had an idea what the street would look like, and I was actually going to a business that is located one street over and parallel to Market St. Well, "street" is too good a word for it. It was an alley with a street name, so I guess it could be called a street.

I was a bit early for my interview, so I looked around for a coffee shop or diner where I could park my bones. There were quite a few run-down hole-in-the-wall kind of places. None with a place to really sit. I think they are discouraging loitering. It was a bout 10:45 in the morning, and the street was alive with people walking about. Not business people, but very poor people. Mostly people of color. Many colors. I ended up walking around the block, checking everything out. I passed people talking to themselves, people scurrying, people who looked drunk, people plainly with all their belongings in whatever would carry them. I saw very few people who seemed to have personal resources.

Finally I came back to Market and 7th street and spied a donut and coffee shop. I went in and purchased coffee and something to nibble on. I decided to sit next to a window that was right in the corner. From there I could observe the intersection of Market and 7th as I ate.

During the time I sat there I must've seen over a hundred down-trodden folk wander by. Some purposefully, some not so. I saw one Asian woman with a tattoo on her face, dragging a roller suitcase behind her. What drew my attention to her was that she had stopped and pulled a nearly empty can of beer out of her baggy purse which sat atop the suitcase, and quickly bent down and put it upside down under a nearby blue U.S. mailbox to drain its dregs. Then, she pulled out of her coat pocket another can of beer, opened it, and slid it down into her purse, careful to keep it upright, replacing the one that had been there before. While her back was turned from the mailbox, another homeless person came along and grabbed her now empty can from under the mailbox and walked off.

I'm not sure she ever really noticed.

Then off she went.

There was a tall, middle-aged, very anorexic white woman who wandered by. Grizzled black men. Young black men with attitude and pants riding their lower butts. For every twenty five or so seemingly poor individuals I saw, there was maybe one or two more affluent people quickly walking through. There was an Asian family of a father and 2 or 3 pre-teen kids - they made their way very fast through the area. There was an office-worker girl with one of those plastic U.S. Mail boxes piled high with pre-stamped manila envelopes. She quickly unloaded the envelopes into the blue mailbox and then quickly slid off down the street.

Finally, it was time for my interview. I left the shop and headed up the alley to the address given me. I walked past Salvation Army. I got to the door and the signs there said "This area is under 24 hour surveillance cameras" and "Press button to announce yourself." I did this and was buzzed in. It was like stepping into another world - high tech, clean, even familiar.

The interview went well, but they needed occasional 24x7 support. Needless to say, I was a little leery of that, given the location.

In the end, I declined to work for them - it just made this suburban woman a little too nervous... Unfamiliar territory.

Do you think I was being judgmental? Do you think I should have stepped out of my element to learn about a different world?

All things considered, did I do the right thing?

An Event Worth Seeing

2008-06-09T12:09:00.000-07:00

If you have ever had a secret...
If you have ever wanted to TELL your secret...

You might want to check out the very poignant Post Secrets website. This YouTube video was recently posted there, but I put here for your convenience:

Thanks for ALL the Kind Comments!

2008-05-29T21:04:00.000-07:00

Hey there, everyone. Thank you so much for your comments of support. You all really help me center on what is important.

It has been an awful week, but I'm feeling better today. And, as of today, it has been one week since the lay-off. It really is a grieving process. What I hate most about it is that I've been there, done that - all ready! I certainly wasn't prepared to start all over yet again.

I'm gearing up. Dusting off and updating the resume. Not a pleasant thought, but there it is. I've got an iron or two in coals. Got some feelers out. Gearing up.

So, I hope to bring a few pics to the blog, a little commentary, a little progress on things as time moves forward. Gee, I probably will have a lot more writing time on my hands, eh? :-)

Good vibes, right?

Laid Off

2008-05-22T13:58:00.000-07:00

Work Life sucks right now.

I'll be back when I'm able.

Maybe Three Time's the Charm?

2008-05-15T17:30:00.000-07:00

So, unless you're living under a rock, or just plain don't care, you've probably heard that the California Supreme Court has overturned a gay marriage ban in a ruling that would make the nation's largest state the second one to allow gay and lesbian weddings. Click here to read the full article, and click here for the full text of the opinion.

Wow. This could be big. Many of my friends are jubilant. I am happy, but I cannot be jubilant. I'll be jubilant when the rug is no longer pulled out from under us. Kandy and I have been "married" in the Lutheran church. Oh, it's not legal, but the pastors married us - in our eyes and minds. Then, 10 years later we were married again in San Francisco at City Hall. But, again, the Governor took it away, and it was not legal.

Now, maybe it will be. I wonder if this decision could be retroactive to our marriage in SF? That would be cool, and justice served, I think.

We have some friends, Erin and Sam, who have worked tirelessly for this to happen. Today Erin wrote an email to Andrew Sullivan at TheAtlantic.com, and her email became his "Email of the Day" on his Daily Dish. You can see Erin's email here. I am so proud of her and Sam, living in the Southland. It is people like them who get these things passed, change people's minds. I so admire that they work so hard on these issues, doing things I don't or cannot do, for all the people like me in California who will benefit from their efforts. We are so lucky to have them. What a wonderful gift.

Other bloggers have posted their take on this today. My blog friend Tara Dharma has a good 'en here:Victory.

Is It Friday Yet? and Moms Day and Pics

2008-05-13T18:18:00.001-07:00

Today was a tough day - almost as bad as yesterday. I'll just briefly say that my Linux cluster lost it's mind, and I'm still mining its depths trying to locate it again. If RAID5 means anything to you, and a bad controller, then you understand the work that has been occupying all my waking hours since yesterday at 08:52AM.

::sigh::

Other work things, people are really nervous, if not downright depressed at work. The lay-offs are going to start on the 22nd. What is that? Next Thursday? This is just so unreal. Working for the government, in a very high security field, has a whole set of unique issues involved when there are lay-offs. Talk about feeling screwed over - a universal feeling among my cohorts.

Okay, I can't think about this anymore. How 'bout something good?

Lori asks if we got "two - count 'em, two "AS SEEN ON TV" gifts?" Well, Kandy and I split up Mother's Day - we don't do it together. You see, it's actually easier that way. The girls and I celebrate Kandy's Momness in May, and then in June (on that other day), Kandy and the girls celebrate my Momness. It was really my idea, because that way we can help the girls while celebrating our partners. It works for us. That way the girls can pull off surprising one Mom or the other more easily. Of course, as they get older, this won't be as hard to do. By then, we'll have carved out a family tradition.

The girls and I prepared breakfast in bed to order. Kandy wanted poached egg on toast, French Roast coffee and orange juice. The girls went out in our rose garden and each picked two roses for a small vase to complete the tray. Unfortunately, we didn't get a photo of the pretty tray. Bad Deb.

Later, since it was a lovely day, we trekked up to Morgan Territory and spent the day hiking in the hills. (As always, click on the picture to see it better... okay?)

My favorite part was a little watering hole where there were thousands of tadpoles. It almost seemed like they swim in schools. Who woulda thought that?

How could an outing be complete without some Mom and Kidlets photos?

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T09:32:00.000-07:00

(Click on the picture to see a larger version)

Embarrassing Kidlet #2 with Pictures

2008-05-08T07:04:00.000-07:00

Another Blog Topic: My kids. How do I love them? Let me count the ways....

I have ~~talked~~ bragged a lot about Kidlet #1 (Katie) here, sometimes mentioning Kidlet #2 (Megan) along the way. I wouldn't want anyone to think that I'm neglecting our Kid with a Thousand Expressions in this blog.

So, let me tell you a little about Megs. She and Katie are full sisters, and look very much alike. At least, you can certainly tell at a glance that they are sisters. But, that's about where their similarities end. I like to say they are two sides of the same coin - opposite, and often opposed.

Megan has refused to wear anything approximating a dress since Grandma sent her a beautiful Easter dress in 2001. She looked like a miniature football player walking around in it. She was not amused. We have a picture of her in that dress, and her lower lip is sticking out about 6 inches. When I dig it up, I promise to post it here. (Don't say anything to her, 'kay?)

In the mean time, I have another precious picture to share. Megs was about 4 years old, and she was posing for her school picture at Myrtle Farm Montessori School. The photographer wanted her to hold a flower, and look sweetly at the camera. She tried. I think. Her chin looks like it was quivering.

So fast forward to the present. It's a rare moment when I can get Megs to sit still in front of the camera. She usually takes off and hides, or if trapped, gives me a silly, posed grin. I got lucky about a week ago. She was patient with me. She knew I was desperate, and she didn't dash my hopes. She gave me a genuine smile not generally seen in any of her pictures. I really like this picture. Then, I told her I wanted to take a picture of her eyes. I was amazed that she didn't going flying down the stairs. She didn't lock herself in the bathroom.

She let me take the pictures. In this first picture, you can see just how long her eye lashes are! They're incredibly long - longer than a half an inch (ie. greater than a centimeter). And they curl. She says they get "tangled" all the time.

We should have that problem, eh?

Where Do I Start?

2008-05-07T17:47:00.000-07:00

Where do I start? I've got so many blog posts in my head, I think it's gonna burst. A long time ago, in a field far, far away...

I went wandering around the ranches nearby. I just had a need to get out of the house, away from everyone, and maybe do a little lone exploring. I took my camera with me to record any tidbits I might happen across. About half a mile from the house there is a ranch or two, as yet untouched by developers. It's a wonder they haven't ~~grabbed~~ bought all the land yet. Seems that developers just keep on wearing down the owners of these old ranches, until either no resistance is left, or the original owner dies off and the heirs just want to dump the land.

Sorry, I digress. The ranch land which is not far from the house has cattle and sheep, or the land has been converted to vineyards. Some of the land still has the remnants of buildings too old to know their original purpose beyond what you can now make out.

There was an old gate that would have lead into the property, but it had rusted mostly away a long time ago. Someone had tried to do repairs, but the metal was pretty much eaten away from neglect and time.

I am really very fascinated by old, decaying buildings. I want to know more about them, the people who once laughed and lived in them. Falling back into the earth, they seem sad, yet not. It's as if they belong to earth, and really, they're just following the circle of life.

What is really sad to me is when these old "eye sores" are finally razed and a strip mall or an asphalt car lot is placed there in its place. All in the name of enriching city coffers. The inevitable result of malls and car lots is more traffic, more cement, more people, more noise. The bucolic existence that we love and embrace, disappears once again.

Wanting to follow a road I'd never taken, I wandered south and then east on that beautiful, warm Sunday. There was a small breeze and the "windmills" were turning in the distance. As the road wended around, I came to a driveway into yet another ranch, and this one had the windmills set very close to the road.
The windmills, in case you haven't got them around your stomping grounds, are used to generate electricity. The owners sell the electricity back to the local utility. Even homeowners who have solar panels or other means to generate electricity can sell power back to the utility.

Funny, while I was taking this picture, I heard some odd noises behind me. From across the road. Sort of a chewing noise. A whooshing noise. And ... a rustle. I turned around... and there they were. Cattle. Hanging out under the nearest oaks. Probably the only oaks they can find.

Another quarter turn, and I spied the rancher's home. You can always tell you're in California. The palm tree on a dry ranch is a dead give-away...

Uptown Girls

2008-04-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

How quickly they grow up.

Katie is our girly-girl. While she has always disdained dolls, the color pink, and other accouterments of pink-girlhood, she is still through and through a girl extraordinaire. She runs with a girl-waggle, and she says she can't help it. She is so creative with her hair - and it always looks fabulous, for a twelve year old. She was born with beautiful nails - nails I would have killed for as a teen. I still would, if it mattered to me any longer. When she and her friends try on make-up - she seems to have an in-born skill to putting it on.

I am telling you, my friends, she is a force of nature. This is in-born. This is not from either of us, and certainly not from Kandy. Ahem.

So, when our neighbor Lori let us know that she and another Mom were trying to get a few of the girls together to go to a Team Glamour Class at UpTown Girls, downtown today, Kandy and I thought, "Hmmmm... this would be right up her alley - AND would give her some skills that we certainly do not have!"

So, she pranced out the door, skipping down the stairs to Lori's car, already brimming with twelve year old girls. Off they went to learn how to make the most of what they were born with.

While none of us puts a lot of stock into appearance, it is a fact of life that how you present yourself to the world has a huge effect on how you're perceived and received. I think a warm, sincere smile can go a long ways. It doesn't hurt to enhance your other features, either.

She came home, her eyes all a-glitter, her hair curled. To tell you the truth, I do not think she looks all that much different, nor do I think she learned a lot about applying make-up. But, she did have fun.

I asked Megan if she wanted to go to a glamor class. Her reply?

NEVER!

Spotting Spot

2008-04-27T11:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we lose track of Spot. So, then we're off trying to spot Spot. He is not always easy to find. Especially at night. Unless you happened to have a flashlight (or camera?).

Why is Spot named, "Spot" you might ask. He had a brother named "Bandit" whose similar markings made them hard to distinguish at a distance. Both had white socks, but Spot was so named because of a spot on his foot that could be seen from a distance. It's actually shaped somewhat like a heart.

∴ His name be "Spot."

Long Time, No See, Hear, Write...

2008-04-26T09:48:00.000-07:00

I've been absent of late from the blog-o-sphere. When that happens, I always feel a little unfinished. Like, when dropping off to sleep there's a little nagging feeling that there was just one more thing I should have done today. But then, I am so exhausted and sore that my weariness overcomes that nagging little voice and I'm off to La-La Land. (No, I do not mean Los Angeles!)

The Powers That Be at work have sent out notification that they're laying off 500+ employees. I just don't know what we would do in this economy if I got laid off. I'm over 50, female, and I do NOT want to start over again. What I really want to do is my best work, and eventually retire. I don't need the added angst of trying to sell a house if I can't get work, what will I do about medical care, my kids, money?

Just seven years ago I weathered the dot com layoffs. I was laid off, but was able to get gainful employment within a couple of months to where I am today. It seemed quite safe until late last year. Then the wheels of change tossed everything I had worked for out the door. It certainly changed my UC retirement package. And, now, with the upcoming layoffs, I am really scared - mostly because it is completely beyond my control.

So I work hard, very hard. I try to make myself valuable and indispensable. All I can do is hope that will be enough.

And, as Lula points out in her comment on this post, at the same time, there are 500 people at risk. Just like that. If not me, it will be someone else. That hurts so much. I do not want to imagine. I can't imagine. Reality is too close.

This post is a bit on the down-side, I admit. It won't become a habit, I promise. I just had to lay out the fears so I could banish them.

Thanks for your support!

So, Tax Day has Com & Gone. What's Left?

2008-04-17T17:38:00.000-07:00

Sigh.

I hate this time of year. Filing taxes shows you all the money you make, and then how much you give to the State and then to the Fed. After mortgage (yes, we live in suburbia), bills, car payment... Well, let's just say there ain't a whole lot of scratch left for having fun.

Sigh.

It is time to re-visit the financial planner. The price of fuel is driving up the costs of driving (who knew?), food (have you priced a gallon of milk lately?), and even clothes. And anything left over? Property taxes are killing what little we have left.

I feel a deep depression coming on, and I'm not talking about the stock market.

Thank Goodness for Wordless Wednesdays

2008-04-16T06:54:00.001-07:00

Megan in 2002

Coins: The Verdict

2008-04-15T18:04:00.000-07:00

So.

Thanks to eb and Lula for providing me with links and possibilities! eb's links got me hooked up with Tom Oberhofer, at Eckerd College, who pointed me in the direction of Spanish coins.

Lula was kind enough to point out that there was a lovely gold coin Escudos at website called, → Wake Forest Coins. It looks remarkably like my copper coin. Afterall, the side with the cross is just about identical. The other side was pretty similar, but not exact.

I wrote an email to the site's owner, but have yet to hear back. I also found a site called, All Experts, and I wrote to Brad Swain. He wrote back this morning:

Hi Deb, it seems to be a modern reproduction of a Peruvian silver 8 reales or gold 8 escudos coin.
You may find similar pieces on Ebay.com for comparison.
Brad

A reproduction?!?? He's kidding me, right? :-(

Well, I still haven't found anything definitive. I'd love to see another reproduction. Sometimes I have seen that they can be worth a bit of money in their own right... but not like a gold piece, doncha know. ::sigh::

Ultimately, I would hope that this is some kind of genuine coin, (ie. not a reproduction). But, I have a feeling I'll be disappointed...

What Kind of Coin is This?

2008-04-13T11:12:00.000-07:00

A few years ago an old family friend passed away. Her name was Suzanne and she was French, and during WWII she had been in the Resistance. Somewhere along the way she married and American soldier. In the 1960's, she and her husband moved into the house next door to us, and she became a good friend of my Mother's. When she died she had been in a Catholic retirement home/facility in San Francisco. Surprisingly, she left me a lot of jewelry, clothes, coats and miscellaneous things. Among the items she left me was a lot of coins and paper money from Europe and Japan (where she and her husband were once stationed).

Among the coins is a very interesting piece (pictured above). I have not been able to figure out what it is, or even how old. I don't know if it is valuable, or just something cool. I believe it is copper or bronze.

If, my readers, have any idea what this is, would you please let me know? It would scratch that curious itch I have...

Sappho: Back When the Internet Was Young

2008-04-10T18:59:00.000-07:00

Way back "when," I worked at UCSB in the 80's, the Internet was young and wild. For most people, it didn't even exist. I mean, it certainly didn't become a successful commercial entity until the mid-90's, as an extension of ArpaNet.

I was in the Electrical Engineering Dept., building digital laboratories for engineering students. I brought in a few HP mini's of the day, and in the mid to late 80's it was these kinds of tasks that got me interested in UUNET. There weren't well-defined email protocols out there yet, and my email was sent via UUCP to cooperating computers. At the same time I had pulled down news feeds from UUNet, which was your basic bulletin board-like way of communicating via email lists... or something like that - very public, and not at all private.

I was interested in connecting with other lesbians - something very daring for me. After all, in my twenties, I was most certainly not out at that time. Matter of fact, I was pretty damned closeted. It's a sad truth, I know. I am almost ashamed to admit it. But, facts are facts, and there you have it. So. Where was I? Oh yeah, connecting with others of like mindedness. Well, it's lost in the bowels of my memory axons, but somehow I came across an email list called, "Sappho." I think this must have been after the first version of Majordomo list software was released.

O. M. G. There must have been 500 women subscribed to that list from all over the world. At that time - what a concept! There was an incredible amount of email flying back and forth and all over the place. There was a LOT of inane email and one-liners interspersed with some real gems. It was like a hunt to find those gems in that high noise to gem ratio of an email list. In a way, it was a precursor to the blogs and comments of today. It is interesting to see those of like-mindedness seeking each other out to share and exchange. Somewhat like those email lists of old.

After being on Sappho for a few years, it got tiring that so much trivia flew around, and it seemed like there were sub-conversations going on between some 10 to 20 members. We split off into another, more private list. The premise for this list was that we all loved writing and were interested in sharing our writing and ideas with one another. That focus never was very keen. Eventually, there was a rift among some list members, and again we had a split.

This list has (about) 12 women on it now. We have been "together" from the beginning - I'd say about 1988, or so. None of us has met all the members of the list. Some of us have met only one or two members. I think I have met all but two of our list members. We span the continent from Vermont to Texas to Wisconsin and out to California, and more. We have grown close over the years, surviving cancer, partner deaths, new partners, child births, job loss - everything life can throw at us over twenty years.

It's a lot like having a coffee circle of friends. A resource that we each hold very close to our hearts.

I thought to share this with you as a way of commemorating the longevity of such bonds. They seem tenuous, but they are really strong.

It is somewhat like the fibrous bonds that bloggers share. I know bloggers that have met and felt very close to their new friends. It is a lot like that.

Our world is indeed getting smaller. Our world can be our community.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-04-09T19:01:00.001-07:00

(click on the picture to see it really, really big!)

Lesbian Family dot Org

2008-04-08T20:14:00.000-07:00

I am proud to say that this blog is now listed on LesbianFamily.org under their "Non-Bio" and "Big Kids" blogrolls. I'm jazzed. The website has had its ups and downs as it has picked up a following, but I think it has picked up some momentum now and can be a very good resource for other Lesbian families.

I must admit that they put my blog there after a little prodding by yers trewly. Hey, this blog doesn't rock and roll waving the Lesbo Flag, but, we have our own contribution to make, just the same.

We have never been the lesbians that shout out our allegiances. All who know us would agree that we are pretty low key people. We do enjoy living and contributing in our community as open, partnered lesbians with two children who are working for inclusiveness and understanding. It is the way we live, how we live, and what we contribute to the community on the daily basis that makes our family matter. It makes our community notice us, acknowledge our presence, and by so knowing, we are not unknown.

Our presence makes this community a safe place for other lesbian and gay families. We wish to make our mark by being who we are and not hiding that.

Monday Monday...

2008-04-07T13:07:00.000-07:00

This Monday and next Monday morning are each being devoted to Team Building for the team I am on at work. This borders very close on the touchy-feely thing that I so dislike at work. While it gets close to that, it is actually a useful use of our time in that we learn more about each other, how to interact with one another in order to attain our team goals.

I am not particularly fond of this – I feel so - exposed. But, this time around I have a bit more vested in the process than in previous times where I have done similar work. I have been asked to be the technical lead of our infrastructure team, and the wallflower in me cringes while my ego swells.

Can you say, “Conflicted?”

So. Perhaps some of you are aware of a Personal Profile System. The front of the workbook says that this system enables you to:

identify your behavioral profile,
capitalize on your behavioral strengths,
increase your appreciation of different profiles, and
anticipate and minimize potential conflicts with others.

The participants answer a bunch of multiple choice questions and eventually come up with a DiSC score and graph: Dominance, Influence, Steadiness and Conscientiousness are graphed to give you a profile. My profile, a 4355 = Perfectionist – high S and C, but not real high. I’m actually quite middle of the road, but I need somewhere to hang my hat, I guess.

Okay, all this mumbo-jumbo does have a use. When working with people on your own team, sometimes it helps to know how the other person processes information. It also helps to know if they are more of a driver, or if they’re a follower. Someone might be an influencer, loves being around people, while others (like me) finds it hard to be around a lot of people and tends to work alone. It’s useful to have this insight into others, if in fact you care enough to get past a stumbling block to get to a common goal.

We also filled out a worksheet which helped us to figure out how we prefer to process information, visually, audibly or kinetically (see, touch, feel). I scored equally high on visual and kinetic input, audible being a little less. However, I was surprised to learn that a co-worker scored near zero on audible input, and very high on visual. She also happens to be quite hyperactive, and has learned to channel her energy quite well. She has a very hard time sitting still, and is constantly moving (I try not to sit next to her in meetings as she can be quite active…).

Now, I have been through two other DiSC sessions in my 7 years here, and I have noticed one constant. There is always at least one person in the group who feels that his or her time is being wasted, and “all this matters on your mood” when you take the test, and “if I took the test next week, my answers will most likely be different,” ad nauseum.

IMHO - what these people fail to understand is that it is a tool, a means for getting past obstacles, forming working groups, group structure, etc. I have often heard this person lament that he cannot understand why "no one listens to me." I wonder if perhaps it really just the opposite – he is not listening to them.

I think that new dimensions, new stretches are what keeps a person alive and active. The same would hold true for the day-to-day work and achieving short and long term goals.

So I put it to you all:

Have you ever had training of this nature?
What did you think about it?
Did it help you?
Did it help your fellow workers?

Meme for a Sunday Afternoon

2008-04-06T11:28:00.000-07:00

I thought I might escaped being tagged, but Lula tagged me for this one. I thought Zirelda or Maria did this one, too, but I can't find the pertinent posts. I think it's a conspiracy. They're hiding those posts from me. They must be. My memory can't be that bad, can it?

Okay here it is (brace yourselves):

1. Pick up the nearest book of 123 (or more) pages.
Oh boy. This is not exciting at all. I can't help it if I'm a nerd. It is who I am. That said, the nearest book here at my desk is "Unix Power Tools." This is a reference that I use at work occasionally. It is over 1100 pages, and I don't need it very often any more, but it does come in handy when I have a brain freeze.

2. Open the book to page 123 and find the 5th sentence.
Uh-oh. Again I'm in trouble. Page 123 is actually just a title page for Part Two of the book, "Let the Computer Do the Dirty Work." There are less than five sentences, but the last one reads,

What is it they say? "Time spent sailing is not subtracted from your life." I don't know about that, but I do know that time spent learning the intricacies of the shell is seldom wasted. - Tim O'Reilly

Please don't ask me what that means, I have no idea. Yes, we're in trouble now.

3. Post the following 3 sentences
Okay, I must apologize in advance. The next three sentences are going to put you to sleep. It's not my fault, really. I can't help it if I'm a nerd. You know that, right? Okay, here we go. Hang on to your hat:

As we've said, the shell is just another program. It's responsible for interpreting the commands you type; there are three or four commonly used shells, and several other variants kicking around. Interpreting your commands might seem simple enough, but a lot of things happen between the time you press RETURN and thie time the computer actually does what you want.

Please don't turn me in to the blogging police. I really didn't mean to torture my readers. I suppose I could have lied and found a decent book with something succinct or witty to say. Maybe I should have. I am not sure there is a purpose to this meme except to maime and humiliate the blogger who consents to do it.

::sigh::

The Show Must Go On!

2008-04-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

Last night was opening night to Katie's Middle School musical, "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown." (Click the link for a video of the opening number by the company.) For her first foray into the dramatic arts, Katie chose to be in the crew backstage rather than try out for a singing/acting part. I think that she made a wise choice. She's not a jump-into-the-deep-end kinda girl. She has enjoyed the whole experience. She has made a lot of new friends, learned most of the lines of all the actors, and has pretty much had an overall positive experience.

Opening night was a wonderful, adrenaline filled evening for all the kids. The performances are being given at our Livermore High School, where there is a theatre available for these venues. Not just some stinky multi-purpose room. There is even an orchestra pit. These middle school kids pulled off a pretty wonderful performance. Of course, being a musical, they all had to sing and dance. There were some very good singers, and some not so very good singers (kinda hard on the ears, but oh, well - they're just kids!). It all evens out when sweetened by the fact that these are kids in our community. We saw our elementary school principle and her partner there, as well as many, many parents with whom we have become acquainted over the past school year.

Katie's middle school PTA sponsored the event providing the money for costumes, props and any other expenses associated with the production. Kandy, my partner, is VP on the PTA, so she was quite thrilled to see their support come to such fruition.

Afterward we went to Stone Cold Creamery to celebrate with scoops of creamy ice cream or sorbet. Yummy! It seemed as if everyone in the cast and crew were there with parents in tow. We kept them open about an hour after closing time, and happily, if wearily we made our way home.

This morning Katie woke up complaining that her stomach hurt. No fever. Hmmmm... Thinking that perhaps the daily doses of Naprosyn were having a detrimental effect on her stomach, i gave her some Mylanta to try and see if it helped.

It didn't help. Can't this girl catch a break???

Becoming more concerned, but not knowing what was going on, we decided to wait and see.

Didn't have to wait long. Everything came back up. The kid has a stomach virus. So much for tonight's performance. By the time we called the director and others involved, we heard of 3 others coming down with the same thing - including the girl who plays Lucy, a central character, next to Charlie Brown himself.

No under-studies, either. Ack!

I can' t wait to hear how the show goes tonight. I hope Lucy (Jenny) can pull it off. Knowing that Katie is feeling better tonight, I hope Jenny feels well enough to sing and dance and stay upright while doing so!

Silly Life Ratings

2008-04-01T21:04:00.001-07:00

I was a bit intrigued by one of those silly rating questionnaires that you can take, then get the results to post on your blog. I saw it over at dr. sardonicus' Poll Hill Sanitarium (sounds like a place I might need to hang out at one day - heh...). Honestly, though, I was hesitant. I'm not sure if folks take these things seriously, or not. Or, even if it matters.

Can you say, "Ambivalent?"

Okay, so here it is:

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	8.9
Mind:	8.6
Body:	8.4
Spirit:	8.4
Friends/Family:	8.4
Love:	9.1
Finance:	7.3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Like the doc, I attribute the Love score to my very own spouse. There is no more wonderful a person. I don't deserve her, and often wonder what in the hell does she see in me. I am just grateful for very huge favors.

Life is good.

The Steps of Aging

2008-04-01T18:04:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking about aging.

Over on Maria's blog, Just Eat Your Cupcake, in one of her posts last month she talked about how she felt a bit out of sync with her Easter guests (my paraphrasing). I'm right there with you, Maria. We spent Easter day and evening with a family we share a lot in common, but timing isn't one of those things. Our friends, Diana and Jerry, are parents to Michael and Ryan. Diana and Jerry were both born the year I graduated high school. But Ryan is the same ages as Katie, and Michael is a few years younger than Megan.

Nearly ALL the parents we schmooze with are much, much younger than we are. I mean, our own children are the ages of what our grandchildren could have been, had we had any kids in our early twenties. Especially the lesbian parents. They are sooo young, it feels like we have so little in common.

Um. Now I really do feel old.

Once I left college (which I started when I was 25, after six years in the US Navy - another blog topic for another day...), I always felt just a little out of step with my friends and co-workers. Maybe even a little wiser, I'd think to myself very smugly. That was then.

Now, I feel as if I am always trying to keep up with these young whipper-snappers. And I’m not talking about the kids!

Tangentially, my oldest sibling is my half-brother and he is eleven years older than me. I am the youngest. The "baby." I have a brother ten years older than me - he nearly died last year. His wake-up call finally came, at 62. Now he is belatedly taking care of himself, I think he finally grew up.

Takes some of us longer than others, I guess. We have a full-sister that is younger than both my brothers, but older than me - and she was given up for adoption. (Yup. Another blog topic to explore. Anyone making a list?) She found us a few years ago. It's odd to go 50 years of life thinking I'm the only girl-child, and then learn I have a sister. Hard to wrap my sense of self so differently.

Now, parents are aging and dying. My Mom is 82 and she just keeps going and going like the Energizer Bunny. She has a hard time getting up and down stairs, but is doing okay. I do worry about her, alone in the house I grew up in, now that Dad is gone. But, she says she will stay in that house as long as she can take care of herself. She has friends look in on her, my niece and her husband keep an eye on her, my bother and I drive or fly up there whenever we can, or when we’re needed.

It makes me wonder what life for Kandy and I will be like as we age. We have no family locally. I worry a bit about that, when I’m not worrying about day to day things. I wonder if even then I’ll feel out of sync…

Doctor's Orders (Before and After)

2008-03-30T09:02:00.000-07:00

On Thursday we took Katie back to UCSF for her knee injections.

(Side note - I've been writing "corticosteroid" injections because that's what the doc calls them, and others have said "cortisone" injections. Confused, I asked the doctor if they are the same thing - they are! That's good, cuz it's I like spelling smaller words...)

First thing they do is put a numbing cream on her knees and let is sit for 20 minutes. Then both of her doctors come in - Dr. Curran, a fellow in pediatric rheumatology and Dr. Milojevic, the attending. They prep Katie, telling her just what is going to happen, so there are no surprises. Katie hardly flinched - only when they first poked her. They had to move the needle around a bit to get the medicine well into the joints. After it was all over she said,

"It didn't hurt."

The doctors were amazed at her calmness. Well, for a kid that had a displaced fracture in her arm two years ago, this was nothing for her. She has a high pain tolerance. When she had to have surgery to pin her bones back together, she never took any pain medicine in recovery, because she said it "doesn't hurt."

Wow.

Our expectations were that, after the injections, we would visit the Conservatory of Flowers at Golden Gate Park, since on our previous Monday visit it was closed. However, after the injections the doc says, "Katie, we don't want you to do much walking. We want the medicine to stay in the joint where we just put it, not leak out. That way it is most effective. So, veg out in front of the TV or something."

Poof!! There went our plans to wander the Conservatory that day.

Of course, Katie was pleased with Doctor's Orders, as this meant her sister would do her bidding - to a degree. Heh.

She still has to take twice daily doses of Naprosyn. But, the kid will not swallow a pill. Her little sister can take any kind of pill - and loves to rub that fact in with her big sister. No, Katie has to gag every time. So her Naprosyn comes in liquid form, and it gets flavored. We are encouraging her to practice pill-taking with Tic-Tacs. Lately she has not liked the liquid medicine so much, so she is getting a bit more motivated to take pills instead. It's only a matter of time...

Here's what her knees looked like before the injections, and after:

Follow-up

2008-03-25T17:37:00.000-07:00

It was about 9:30am as we made our way into the city across the Bay Bridge. We couldn't even see the city at first, due to the fog. As we passed Treasure Island, the city's buildings were finally visible – well most of the buildings were visible. The tippy-tops of the taller ones were obscured by the thick clouds which enveloped most of the western end of the city. We thought, "Oh great. It's going to be damp cold in the city today."

As quick as a shiver passes, we approached our exit into the city at Fell Street – and the sun shown brightly and it seemed as if we had been transported into a wholly different place and time!

Ah, micro-climes, gotta love 'em!

So, we drove through Golden Gate Park to take a meandering route to the medical building, scoping out what we wanted to do after seeing the doctor. We decided it would be nice to wander the botanical gardens later on.

Our appointment was for 11am – the doctor didn't show until 11:45, and then rushed through the exam. (This was the attending rheumatoid pediatric physician; we saw the attending for immunological disease last time.) At the end of the exam, she said that Katie needed the corticosteroid injections, but that she couldn't do them as she had other patients booked and backed up. I was not amused – since this means we need to make another trip BACK to SF for the injections.

On a positive note, she said the prognosis for Katie's RA condition is good. It could go away eventually – her Moms can only hope. Again the doctor expressed the most concern regarding the uveitis link – that's where our vigilance is required. The one concern she expressed was that the arthritis usually presents much earlier in children - but that it is not unheard of to present at 12 years old.

So, that's where we're at right now.

We spent the rest of the day milling through the botanical gardens, taking pictures, watching turtles and birds, and watching hawks. The weather was perfect! And better than on any weekend when there are far too many people.

Next time we hope to go to the flower conservatory where they have a beautiful butterfly exhibit (yes live butterflies!) we want to see.

(Megs is in front of Katie)

Spring Break in SF

2008-03-22T20:48:00.000-07:00

This year the family Spring Break excursion will be limited to the Bay Area. Generally, we like to go somewhere new for fun, kick up our heals, and have a few laughs.

Instead, on Monday we will be taking our 12 year old, Katie, to UCSF Medical Center for her first check-in since late January after being diagnosed with a form of Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. Specifically, her type is called Pauciarticular (paw-see-articular), which is the name given when it affect 4 or fewer joints. It is treatable and could "go away" in time. A mother can only hope.

She has been taking twice a day doses of Naprosyn. But, the swelling in one of her knees has not decreased much. They will probably be giving her corticosteroid injection.

The catch is that children with this form of arthritis are at the highest risk for getting a chronic eye inflammation called uveitis (u-vee-eye-tis). So, in addition to seeing the pediatric rheumatolgist, Katie needs to be seen by an ophthalmologist every 3-4 months to catch any sign of it early on. It can be treated early, and if it isn't the disease could lead to blindness. After 3 yrs if there is no sign of the disease, then she can be seen every 6 mos until she's 21 yrs old.

This was a lot for us all to take in.

Subsequent blood tests determined that she doesn't have some of the more serious forms of the disease. That was a relief.
It scary stuff in a way - kids used to be crippled by RA - but the doctors explained that that is rarely the case today. And in Katie's case, she has a very treatable form of the condition that she may grow out of completely. We'll just have to wait and see.

On the positive side - once the her knees are normal again, she can resume the running that she loves so much in PE! No limitations there at all. I am so grateful that we have access to a wonderful Medical Center.

When we're done at the hospital, it time to have fun! We may drive down the coast, or maybe go to Ocean Beach and build some sand sculptures. Or, maybe we'll go for a horseback ride on the beach.

The weather is supposed to be wonderful.

Ch-ch-ch-Changes...!

2008-03-21T08:15:00.000-07:00

A few posts back I mentioned that the look of this blog would be changing. The first change is the name (although not the web address). I liked The Reluctant Blogger more than Techie American Girl (aka The Reluctant Blogger).

It's Shorter.

It's Catchier.

It pretty much says where my head has been at for the last six months.

Now, I'm off in search of a newer, lovelier template. Please - If you know of templates that play nice with Blogger, pu-leeeeese let me know.

I'm looking for something that I can manipulate elements on both the left and the right, as well as make the text area a little wider - easily. I could go into the code, but I'd rather not. That's too much like work.

That's when I start getting very reluctant...

Thanks for the Germies

2008-03-20T18:16:00.000-07:00

It's all her fault.

Megan came home from school last Thursday with a cold. Her left nostril and eye had the faucet turned on full-blast. The poor kid couldn't be more than a few paces away from a box of tissues. But, she was a trooper. Didn't moan or groan. No complaints, although her eye was as red as a summer tomato. Didn't complain as she grabbed tissues to stuff in her pocket when we went out to get her some new shoes.

Those germies came to roost in my nose. In my eye. I have Big Sneezes. I need a containment facility for the germs.

Now Katie's got it, too. Those germies? They're growing wildly in Katie's nose and her eyes.

Megan feels just fine today. I'm so happy for her!

Now I'm worried that we'll spread those little germies to some new friends. We've been invited to the home of the parents of Katie's classmate, Mitchell. Kandy knows them through PTA, and says they are very nice people. They've never met me. Nothing like a good first impression, eh?

I am afraid that as soon as I walk in their door I'll sneeze a doozy, and they will never forgive us for darkening their doorway.

I wonder when the contagiousness goes away?

A Little Girl and Her Dad

2008-03-16T18:47:00.000-07:00

I was the youngest kid of my Mom & Dad's brood. Sort of an after-thought - or that's how they often put it. Think accident. My place in the birth order is one of serendipity and lack of birth control in the early fifties.

My Dad was a Captain in the Air Force when I was born. I was born in San Francisco at a hospital that was torn down recently - Letterman Army Medical Center - in the Presidio. By the time I was ten years old, he had retired from the Air Force as a Colonel.

Then the fun started.

He searched high and low and found a Ryan PT-22 for sale. It looked a little like this:

Instead of the military colors, he painted it white with red sun-burst striping on the top and bottom of the wings. It was a pretty thing. Notice the pilot sitting in the rear seat?

Guess where I sat?

You betcha! In the front cockpit - with leather helmet and goggles. My parachute seat-pack served as padding for my fanny. Every time we went up he said to me,

"Debbie. If we have any problems you have to jump. See this big handle? You pull real hard as soon as you're clear of the airplane.

"Got it?"

He was so stern, what else could I say?

"Sure Dad. Got it!"

And then we'd taxi out onto the run-way. This was always the scariest part for me. Revving up the engine, then starting out going faster and faster. I could see the pavement speeding by on each side of the cockpit. The Douglas Firs were a green blur. And then, finally, we lifted off the runway, clear and smooth as could be.

Mt. Rainier was to our right in all her majesty. We'd usually go up about 2000 feet and cruise around a while. Then Dad would jiggle the stick (there is no steering wheel in these old planes). It was his way of asking me if I was ready.

I jiggled the stick back at him in return.

The next thing I knew we were climbing straight up. UP - vertically until just when I thought the engine might quit he'd roll the plane over and then we'd come down the other side of the loop, curving downward but then coming back up again.

It was beyond exhilarating.

It was my DAD.

It was ME.

It was beautiful.

We'd do eight point rolls, and smooth rolls, and loops. We'd bank and roll and just have good times.

I have vivid memories of hanging upside down in my seat and seat-belt and seeing Mt. Rainier - upside down.

How many people can say that?

I miss my Ol' Dad. I really do.

He died two years ago today, eight days after his 84th birthday.

I Rock, You Rock, We All Rock!

2008-03-16T16:04:00.000-07:00

We gave Guitar Hero II to the girls for Christmas last year. Ever since then they have been fighting us to play the game. We're bigger than them. Guess who wins? They often accuse us of really getting the game so that the Parental Units (that's us) can play old rocker tunes. Van Halen, Motley Crue, Kiss... you know, good rock.

I can't help it if we are Rockers In Our Own Minds.

We don't have no stinkin' wide-screen TV screen. Nope. Just a dinky 20" screen. But you know what? It is still Lots 'o Fun.

We have battles to see who can out-whammy, out-last, and kick royal booty.

We are The Queen Rockers. We kick them princesses crying to their bedrooms. No prisoners.

I can whammy with the best of 'em, I tell ya.

Kandy went out and bought a couple of wireless guitars for the game. With flames. Yeah - Makes all the difference. We live for those FIVE golden stars.

Rockin' Dude!

Chores and Motivations

2008-03-16T09:54:00.000-07:00

The girls have two working parents this year. Until last year it was just me bringing home the bacon. But then Kandy decided she needed to work and bring in a little extra spending money. So she took a job as a "Crossing Guard" at a local elementary school. It just so happens that it isn't the same schools where the girls attend, but another one on the other side of the main drag not far from here. It's about half a mile from here.

She absolutely loves her job. She gets paid for 6 hours of works and works only 4 hours. She explained that that was the way they do it, because she ends up not working a full 3rd hour in the morning and the afternoon. It's a good job for her because she can still go over to the girls' schools (Katie is in middle school and Megs is still in elementary), if need be, and volunteer in classes during core school hours.

Then, she took another part-time job for the school district as Lunch Lady at yet another elementary school. So now she zips over to that school during the lunch hour and serves those yummy meals to the rugrats over there. She still volunteers in classes, but not so much now. And, she usually misses field trips, unless she takes a day off.

At home, the house has been suffering. It - the mess - has been kinda piling up on us. I like a neat and tidy house. Cat puke and mold are not acceptable. Okay, there's no mold, but occasionally the cat hawks up a bad one. Not to mention the dust and fur mullets that scatter across the floors. So today we had a little pow-wow - Kandy and I, that is. The girls have really not been given consistent responsibilities outside of their rooms and the bathroom. But, they're old enough to take on a lot more responsibility.

Heh-heh.

And today they're going to learn what that will be. Once we figure that out, and how to manage it, I mean. Mostly I don't want to set down an edict with no motivation for them to complete their tasks. That's a good recipe for a nagging mom. I hate nagging. Although, if underlying all of this is an edict - this is something they will need to do whether there is allowance or privileges in the mix, or not.

Motivation. Hmmmm....

Still thinking about that one.

In the meantime, here's a picture of Meg taking out the trash. The sheer look of desperation and disgust is priceless.

Introduction to the Reluctant Blogger

2008-03-15T10:59:00.000-07:00

Here it is. The New Blog.

Wow. I can't believe it.

This one is called Techie American Girl. Oh, you knew that? Oh, yeah. Of course you did. But. You might ask, "Why?" Or maybe not. I'll tell you anyway.

It seems that my only core competence and claim to fame is that I've worked with computers since you could walk inside of them. That's a fair amount of time. I'm old. Well, I'm getting there - all too quickly, I might add.

I am a conservative liberal lesbian who works at a nuclear test site, and everything around me glows.

Okay, that's a lie. Not everything glows.

This is my third blog. I am not going to tell you where my other ones are. It would give too much away. Those of you who already know me, well, you know me and there's nothing I can do about that. Sorry. I do hope you'll enjoy coming here and blowing off steam. I tend to be a-political until I get something in my craw, and then all bets are off.

Oh. You want to know more about me? Let's see. I have a partner. We have known each other since 1975. I know, that is so long ago I'm sure it pre-dates some of your birthdays. Tough. We lived through some marvelous decades. The sixties and seventies were awesome. I miss those times immensely.

Let's see? What else? Oh yeah, my partner and I have been together since 1993, we've had two children together by a "known" donor. (I still haven't figured out what that means or how to refer to him in polite conversations.) They are sisters who are twelve and ten years old. I haven't decided if I want to give my family pseudonyms or their real names. So, for now, pronouns will just have to suffice. HINT: Anyone who has read my other blog(s) already knows everyone's names.

It's actually more work for me not to name them here, so we'll see how this goes.

Slightly interesting note - my brother and niece have been clamoring for me to start a new blog. I really don't want to keep this one politically or family correct, so they're just not in on this little secret. Neener-neener!

Okay, more business - the look of this blog will most definitely be changing. It sucks right now. Big time. It may suck more later, but I hope not.

If you know of any good blogging templates out there that work good with blogger, please let me know! I'm trolling the Internet...

Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you'll come back again Real Soon Now. (RSN)