I'm the other mother - or Momma Deb. Our family is pretty much like every other family in suburbia. The girls go to school, one mom is on the PTA boards of elementary and middle school. The other mom goes to work, paints, writes, and tries to just have a good time raising kids with her partner. This is my third attempt at blogging...

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Honey, You Just Have To Go On

A black cloud hangs over the house. Or is it just me? Every day I get up eager to meet the day, and then I stumble over things left in my path the preceding days before this one.

Getting laid off from a job you thought you'd have until retirement is devastating. Being too young to retire, and too old to start over is a most jarring reality to face head-on. I am getting so tired of functioning at this high level of awareness. I want to rest. I want to spend my days fishing, or writing, or reading.

But, I have a family to support. We have a home to pay for - the investment which we hope will someday appreciate again in value instead of decline. We have two children to see into their adulthood. We may not be able to afford to put them through a four year college, but perhaps we'll get them through a community college.

And then? And then I'm done. We're scaling back. I cannot go on living my life this way. I want to slow down and find the inner self I once knew in my earlier years. I want to find and walk a different path into my later years. I don't know what form that will take, nor where that might lead us, I just know that we must find that path.

Kandy wants to go to New Zealand. I wonder if that would work?