ACL Update & Discipline

Peg asks, "How's your knee rehab coming along?" Thanks for asking, Peg!

It has now been 3 weeks since my ACL reconstruction. I am totally pleased & amazed with the lack of pain and the rapidity of recovery. I can bend my knee about 110°, and when I go to PT tomorrow, my therapist said she may let me get on the reclining cycle for a while. Depends upon how much I can flex the joint on my own (ie. my muscles do the work of getting my knee bent, not by cheating with my hands holding it flexed!).

I'm going stir crazy with the limitations - going up and down stairs is a trial in patience. But that's getting better, too. I just have to keep in mind that this is an investment of my time in the health of my knee. I also look at it as a view into the future if I don't do everything to recover 100%. I do not want to be disabled. That, my friends, is to be avoided entirely - whenever possible. Needless to say, I suppose, but I find it helps to articulate it.

I'm working from home right now, and finding focus is hard. O.M.G. I never thought I'd say this, but I think I prefer working at the office! I do have my own workspace at home, but there are so many things I want do that have nothing whatsoever to do with work.

I'll figure it out... Discipline. Yeh. That's it. Discipline.

A Brief Respite - It's Friday!

First, a shout out to my blog-friends Miguelito and dr sardonicus, whose blogs I enjoy very, very much. It's been a while... I love when you visit. You know, I just want to spruce up the blog-look a bit more, that's all. Still contemplating what I want. Maybe tabs for different things, rather than crowding on one page. Not really quite sure.

And T, I'll teach you how to embed links. It's not hard, really, but sometimes a little painful. Heh.

My first week back to work post-surgery has been unremarkable, I am happy to say. The only surprise that came was on Monday when health services at the Lab called me and said my doctor's orders included "no driving."

Say What?

I received this call while sitting in my office here in town to which I had driven. My doctor had not conveyed that message to me last week. After all, it's my left leg, for goodness sakes.

So, I am currently working 100% from home, which is actually a Good Thang[tm]. I went to my first PT session yesterday, which went well, but I have exercises to do at home between my PT visits. It will be easier to do this if I'm at home 100% of the time. I still have to wear the full leg brace pretty much 24x7, including at night when I sleep, but that part (sleeping with the brace on) ends next Thursday. At that time I would like to hear a chorus of Blogger Hallelujahs, please. Thankyewverymuch!

It's somewhat difficult to concentrate 100% on working. I feel distracted. Haven't found stride, nor hit on a routine I guess. Working from home is a good thing, but you really must be disciplined to do it well.

It's a work in progress. Much like the leg, I guess!

I'm looking forward to the weekend so we can re-group. I really want to make this time productive and successful, but for now - - -

Woo-Hoo! It's Friday!!

Sometimes You Get Lucky

Last year when I was laid off, I was out pounding the pavement desperately seeking employment. I would go to any interview, look at any position that might be offered. Little did I know that pornography would offer itself up to me as an option.

I remember an interview in San Francisco. It was set up for me by Robert Half Technology - a big name for a big company that does head-hunting. I had gone to RHT and taken their piddly tech exam - which I could have done in my sleep. Somehow that elevated their interest in me. Thing is, the exam was multiple choice and I'm sure my 13 year old could have done as well just by elimination of choices.

So, I get a call from the RHT San Francisco office from a man I had never spoken to before. It was a bit of a cold call and I could hear him swish over the phone. While I never met him, he sure did sound like a gay man. I thought, cool. Family. This might work out okay.

So he said he had a hot lead in downtown SF, off of Market Street. Would I be interested? Well, why not? Then he said,

"Uhm. Do you have a problem with... porn?"

Thoughts are racing. No, I guess I don't really have a problem with porn. As long as I don't have to look at it. And, it doesn't involve children in any way. I'm a live and let live kind of girl. So I said, "Uhm. No. Not really. Why?"

As it turned out, the client was a company which provided pornography online. In my head I'm screaming, "What???!!!? You're kidding, right?" Out loud I said, "Uh-huh."

Oy. Never in my wildest dreams did I consider that I would be asked to interview for a tech position at a porn company.

But, the thoughts were coming fast and furious now. I hadn't worked in months and the bank account was getting pretty lean. I had two kids and a partner relying on me. But what would they think of me? What would I say to them about the business? Maybe I wouldn't have to tell them...? Rats, that wouldn't work! What to do?

Eh. It was just an interview. Let's see how far this roller coaster ride would go. So, I consented to a phone interview, and that went well. Two days later, I found myself getting off BART and wandering around downtown SF. I was a half hour early... it must've been about 9:30 in the morning. There were a LOT of homeless looking people. My oh my.

There were pan-handlers. There was one woman in particular, an Asian woman who had a large suitcase on rollers. Her purse sat on top of it as she pulled it down the street. She stopped a moment, pulled a paper sack out of her purse, pulled a tall beer can out of the bag, and slipped the can on the sidewalk under one of the newspaper stands. She then strode off to a convenience store a couple doors down. The next thing I knew another woman came along and picked up the can - which was evident that it be not quite empty. She took a swig, kept the can and walked off. In the mean time the first woman came back with a new can of beer, put it in the paper sack, put it in her purse, and off she went.

I'm thinking to myself - would I want to take BART into the city every day and be a part of this crowd? Well, I would do it if it meant having food and roof over our heads, given no other options.

So I headed down to the street where the business was located. It wasn't so much a street as it is a large alley. Not a good sign. I find the door - a security door with a camera above it. I get buzzed in. Walk up the stairs into a loft-like area. It's a nicely done office area. There were some big porn posters - nothing overtly outrageous, but still... They ushered me into a nice conference room where we talked about this and that. Technical things, my willingness to be on call, how would I feel about working at home if necessary (there may be photos on the screen), stuff like that.

When I walked out of there, I really, really, really did not want to work there. But at the same time I was struggling. What if they did offer me the job? What if I didn't get any more offers? Could I work for them for a short contract to see?

Eeeeuuwwww!

I hated thinking about it. If I worked there, I couldn't tell my friends, I'm not sure I could even tell my family. What was I to do?

As it turned out, when I got home I worked very hard at getting more contacts. I got a couple of other irons heating up in the coals. By the time the porn-guys actually did call and offer me a job, it was with relief and happiness that I could turn them down and take a contract with a bank instead.

And that, my friends, was as close as I ever hope to come to working in the pornography industry. It makes my skin crawl just to think about it.

Dodged a bullet that time, I think.

Have You Ever Noticed...?

That when everyone is in meeting (except you), the email traffic plummets to near readable levels?

That they're probably piling work on you just because you're not there?

That long-awaited phone call comes, not when it was supposed to, no. It comes when you finally can't stand it any longer and run off to the bathroom.

You work your ass off doing everything they want you to do, and then decide they didn't want it done that way? (It was the way they specified, dammit!)

That when you throw the software over the wall, it just comes - splat! - back at you?

That you turn your cell phone off before going into a meeting, and everyone in the world wants you and you needed to know that?

:sigh:

Got any more?

New Beginning... It's a Job!

So, I started my new career at ESnet this Monday. Today is Wednesday... I love the people (so far), I'm okay with the office (no window), I get lots and lots of very cool toys - can you say "technology is good to Deb?" The commute sucks rocks, but I've joined a carpool which makes that much easier. Berkeley is, well, Berkeley. I like to call it Berzerkeley - my pet name for the place. Getting here in the morning is not much of a problem, but leaving the campus and avoiding pedestrians of all sorts in the afternoon is trying.

I'll be taking pictures of the heavenly views - from here you can see San Francisco, the Golden Gate Bridge, the old and the new Bay Bridge (under construction), the bay islands, plus all kinds of lovely things from just outside my building. It's gorgeous. I'm told that on a very clear day you can see the Farallon Islands beyond the Golden Gate Bridge. Not a thing like where I worked before. That, alone, makes the commute worthwhile.

Eventually, after I pick up on what my job is going/supposed to entail, I'll be able to work in Livermore one to two days per week - starting sometime in November. They have an office there with a server room, and a bunch of cubicles where my phone will ring in one of them there, as well as here. I love that. About ten or twelve others work there 1-2 days/week already.

Not too shabby!

I've Lost Count

Don't know how many times I have tried to blog... I don't want a post to sound like a Dear Diary entry. I want to entertain, share, marvel, and commune with my fellow bloggers.

Instead there are frozen fingers on a keyboard.

So, maybe to get the ball rolling again, I'll make a list. Maybe it could be meme? I love lists. Make them all the time. A list helps me to stay on track, to know where I am in the scheme of things.

1. On the job front, I am still working a contract for BofA. Can't say I'm all that impressed with the company. The building where I park my butt must be over 50% vacant. They had some lay-offs last week in the mortgage department. Bad times for banks.


2. Let's see, what next?


3. Finally had a few good interviews for a permanent position. One at ESnet, and it went swimmingly. I had the interview on Monday, and they called me with an offer on Friday. Still mulling it.


4. Meanwhile, after the interview with ESnet, a "well-known high-tech compnay in Silicon Valley" contacted me four times for four different open positions. Jeeeze, when it rains, it pours. I hear nothing of substance for four weeks, then they're calling me all over the place. Boggling.


5. I think the reason I had no contacts during the previous four weeks is because the new quarter begins in August. Everything freezes until a company is assured of direction and funds.


6. So, with a generous and substantial offer in my hip pocket I will go into the Valley tomorrow to interview for another very interesting position.


7. Logistically, I think I'd prefer a job in the Valley, but interviewing is a very odd thing. You might think you'd fit into a job quite well, but then they ask you questions that, if I was sitting at a keyboard I could answer lickety-split - I don't commit obscure commands or clauses in config files to memory, for god's sake.


8. Oops. I'm ranting.


9. Daughter #1 just came in and says her computer "is not working." "What do you mean?" asks I. "I can do anything in iTunes." Oh, then the computer is working, but not the app.


10. Gotta go before the whining starts.


11. I can't stand whining.


12. Can you?

Cubicles As Far As the Eye Can See

This is not a picture of my workplace... it is a representation. (And, as you can see, this is a dated picture, since there is an actual tube monitor for a video screen.)

Today I began a career as a consultant in a hive. The place is downright BLAH. And as quiet as a tomb, except for the occasional conversation stray conversation drifting over the shimmering air above the cubicles.

Saving me is the fellow I currently report to - he is amiable and smart and he's also going on 2 weeks vacation starting next Monday. That's okay, I is a professional. I are technical. We'll be just fine. Heh.

The members of my team are all over the place. They're still coming on board. While at my desk today, though, I got two head-hunter calls. Can't let a moment go wasted.

More later. Must go be with the family...

DP Benes and North Carolinia

Now I know that some of you may live in or near North Carolina. I have never been fortunate enough to visit that fine state. I am certain it has a beauty all its own.

But I am so glad that we do not live there. We are so lucky to live in California where our family is accepted so readily that there's nary a blink of an eye. I like it that way. We're nondescript, not all that different from most anyone else on our suburban street. Even in business, or dealings with the medical community, it's nothing to get worked up about.

So, it came as a jarring reality to me that outside of California there are millions of people who do not enjoy the rights we enjoy in the Golden State. Yesterday I spent half a work day filling out forms, compiling copies of forms, getting signatures notarized and finally sending everything via FedEx to my new employer in North Carolina. All was well until they noticed I had neglected to send along 3 of 6 items requested to "prove" our Domestic Partnership. NC has a law banning same-sex marriage, but hiring outside the state, they do allow that there are Domestic Partnerships. I haven't had to prove this for at least 10 years, other than by stipulating our partnership, etc. They won't even accept a California DP certificate, and of course they don't recognize same-sex marriage in California.

We sent our co-registered car registration, copy of a Power of Attorney dated 1994, and a copy of our joint checking account deposit slip. If that verifies our domestic bliss, it seems to me anyone could comply with items such as these and claim benefits.

If states would just see the legal light and give us the same right to marriage as strayt couples, the states would benefit, they could claim to be going "green" by eliminating unnecessary paperwork, lawyers might have to find another revenue stream to support their accustomed lifestyle, and we could all just get on with the business of living.

As a side note, I noticed that the wedding industry in San Francisco has experienced a lot of growth in the last month. All those new gay weddings require flowers, invitations, dinners, suits, dresses, wedding planners, cakes... the list goes on ad infinitum. At least one industry is having a boon!

Well, it's a Job

Last week I got a call from out of the blue. As in, what the heck is this 704 area code on my cell phone? Hell, I don't know anyone in North Carolina, do I? General rule of mine is to not answer unfamiliar numbers calling me. However, this one went through my Grand Central service which is a number I only give out under special circumstances.

Like, um, job hunting.

So, I went online and listened to the voice mail - it was from a head-hunter job recruiter in North Carolina. She said she had found my profile on LinkedIn. In case you're not familiar with it, LinkedIn as business-oriented social networking site, mainly used by technical professionals. It has actually been quite instrumental and fruitful in opening the doors to quite a few businesses in my job search. Can I say it again? I love the Internet!

The recruiter is working for Bank of America who is looking for people of my ilk to perform technical feats of wonder. Essentially, they need talent to install Linux servers here and there. They're hiring in California, Virginia and North Carolina.

So, I interviewed with BofA's powers-that-be. They liked me. Made me an offer I couldn't refuse. The downside is that it is a short contract - only goes to September. The upside is that it could pan into a full-time position, or at least a longer contract.

The Big Upside is that it brings money into the sorely depleted reserves. I start July 21st. It's a 30 mile drive each way. At least it'll be mostly counter-commute.

I'm just grateful to be working again... and making the most of it!

Musings on Homelessness from the Reluctant Blogger

Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it? Blogging seemed like such a non-essential task when compared to the monumental task of finding a job that supports our current lifestyle. So much so that I just couldn't bring myself to be here. All the same, I've been of two minds about it - I should use the blog to blow off steam, bounce ideas around, even use it to explore new ideas. Yet, getting to doing it, to blog ... well, it just didn't happen. I always felt guilty somehow, that I wasn't doing enough in the job search. Plus, there was the Big D to fight off. You know. Depression. Kept rearing its ugly head

So, no blogging. Until today.

Last week found me taking BART into the City. Why was I doing this? Earlier in the week a slightly annoying SF gay-boy-head-hunter had latched on to me because my talents fit a position for a client he was working with. The boy just kept calling and calling me. Nothing wrong with persistence - I should know. It's just that no matter what I said in the course of our conversations he'd reply, "Oh, of course!" at the same time stepping onto my words. That is just so annoying. Makes me wonder if he is really listening in all that eagerness. At any rate, he set up a phone screen for me with the client. That went well, and then the client wanted a face-to-face interview. Rather than driving into the City - gas is nearing $5/gallon here - I opted for a BART $10.50 round-trip - gas costs would have run me more than twice that.

Nice thing about our particular BART line is that I pick it up at the beginning of the local line. This means that getting a seat is no problem and I get to do a lot of people watching en route to the City. A real cross-section of the local population rides the train. At one point a seemingly homeless woman sat next to me. Her clothes were disheveled, nothing matched, her hair a bit unkempt. All the same she was as nice as anyone else on the train... except that she was in dire need of a bath. Being next to her I contemplated what it must be like to be without personal resources, resources that are plainly hygienic in nature. A daily hurdle to overcome - and perhaps one that is not easy to overcome, especially for a woman.

As it turns out, this was just a small taste of what I was about to experience.

I got off the train at the Civic Center station on Market St. in San Francisco. Believe me when I tell you that this is not the finest part of the City. Thanks to Google Maps, I had an idea what the street would look like, and I was actually going to a business that is located one street over and parallel to Market St. Well, "street" is too good a word for it. It was an alley with a street name, so I guess it could be called a street.

I was a bit early for my interview, so I looked around for a coffee shop or diner where I could park my bones. There were quite a few run-down hole-in-the-wall kind of places. None with a place to really sit. I think they are discouraging loitering. It was a bout 10:45 in the morning, and the street was alive with people walking about. Not business people, but very poor people. Mostly people of color. Many colors. I ended up walking around the block, checking everything out. I passed people talking to themselves, people scurrying, people who looked drunk, people plainly with all their belongings in whatever would carry them. I saw very few people who seemed to have personal resources.

Finally I came back to Market and 7th street and spied a donut and coffee shop. I went in and purchased coffee and something to nibble on. I decided to sit next to a window that was right in the corner. From there I could observe the intersection of Market and 7th as I ate.

During the time I sat there I must've seen over a hundred down-trodden folk wander by. Some purposefully, some not so. I saw one Asian woman with a tattoo on her face, dragging a roller suitcase behind her. What drew my attention to her was that she had stopped and pulled a nearly empty can of beer out of her baggy purse which sat atop the suitcase, and quickly bent down and put it upside down under a nearby blue U.S. mailbox to drain its dregs. Then, she pulled out of her coat pocket another can of beer, opened it, and slid it down into her purse, careful to keep it upright, replacing the one that had been there before. While her back was turned from the mailbox, another homeless person came along and grabbed her now empty can from under the mailbox and walked off.

I'm not sure she ever really noticed.

Then off she went.

There was a tall, middle-aged, very anorexic white woman who wandered by. Grizzled black men. Young black men with attitude and pants riding their lower butts. For every twenty five or so seemingly poor individuals I saw, there was maybe one or two more affluent people quickly walking through. There was an Asian family of a father and 2 or 3 pre-teen kids - they made their way very fast through the area. There was an office-worker girl with one of those plastic U.S. Mail boxes piled high with pre-stamped manila envelopes. She quickly unloaded the envelopes into the blue mailbox and then quickly slid off down the street.

Finally, it was time for my interview. I left the shop and headed up the alley to the address given me. I walked past Salvation Army. I got to the door and the signs there said "This area is under 24 hour surveillance cameras" and "Press button to announce yourself." I did this and was buzzed in. It was like stepping into another world - high tech, clean, even familiar.

The interview went well, but they needed occasional 24x7 support. Needless to say, I was a little leery of that, given the location.

In the end, I declined to work for them - it just made this suburban woman a little too nervous... Unfamiliar territory.

Do you think I was being judgmental? Do you think I should have stepped out of my element to learn about a different world?

All things considered, did I do the right thing?

Laid Off

Work Life sucks right now.

I'll be back when I'm able.

Is It Friday Yet? and Moms Day and Pics

Today was a tough day - almost as bad as yesterday. I'll just briefly say that my Linux cluster lost it's mind, and I'm still mining its depths trying to locate it again. If RAID5 means anything to you, and a bad controller, then you understand the work that has been occupying all my waking hours since yesterday at 08:52AM.

::sigh::

Other work things, people are really nervous, if not downright depressed at work. The lay-offs are going to start on the 22nd. What is that? Next Thursday? This is just so unreal. Working for the government, in a very high security field, has a whole set of unique issues involved when there are lay-offs. Talk about feeling screwed over - a universal feeling among my cohorts.

Okay, I can't think about this anymore. How 'bout something good?

Lori asks if we got "two - count 'em, two "AS SEEN ON TV" gifts?" Well, Kandy and I split up Mother's Day - we don't do it together. You see, it's actually easier that way. The girls and I celebrate Kandy's Momness in May, and then in June (on that other day), Kandy and the girls celebrate my Momness. It was really my idea, because that way we can help the girls while celebrating our partners. It works for us. That way the girls can pull off surprising one Mom or the other more easily. Of course, as they get older, this won't be as hard to do. By then, we'll have carved out a family tradition.

The girls and I prepared breakfast in bed to order. Kandy wanted poached egg on toast, French Roast coffee and orange juice. The girls went out in our rose garden and each picked two roses for a small vase to complete the tray. Unfortunately, we didn't get a photo of the pretty tray. Bad Deb.

Later, since it was a lovely day, we trekked up to Morgan Territory and spent the day hiking in the hills. (As always, click on the picture to see it better... okay?)


My favorite part was a little watering hole where there were thousands of tadpoles. It almost seemed like they swim in schools. Who woulda thought that?

How could an outing be complete without some Mom and Kidlets photos?

Long Time, No See, Hear, Write...

I've been absent of late from the blog-o-sphere. When that happens, I always feel a little unfinished. Like, when dropping off to sleep there's a little nagging feeling that there was just one more thing I should have done today. But then, I am so exhausted and sore that my weariness overcomes that nagging little voice and I'm off to La-La Land. (No, I do not mean Los Angeles!)

The Powers That Be at work have sent out notification that they're laying off 500+ employees. I just don't know what we would do in this economy if I got laid off. I'm over 50, female, and I do NOT want to start over again. What I really want to do is my best work, and eventually retire. I don't need the added angst of trying to sell a house if I can't get work, what will I do about medical care, my kids, money?

Just seven years ago I weathered the dot com layoffs. I was laid off, but was able to get gainful employment within a couple of months to where I am today. It seemed quite safe until late last year. Then the wheels of change tossed everything I had worked for out the door. It certainly changed my UC retirement package. And, now, with the upcoming layoffs, I am really scared - mostly because it is completely beyond my control.

So I work hard, very hard. I try to make myself valuable and indispensable. All I can do is hope that will be enough.

And, as Lula points out in her comment on this post, at the same time, there are 500 people at risk. Just like that. If not me, it will be someone else. That hurts so much. I do not want to imagine. I can't imagine. Reality is too close.

This post is a bit on the down-side, I admit. It won't become a habit, I promise. I just had to lay out the fears so I could banish them.

Thanks for your support!

Monday Monday...

This Monday and next Monday morning are each being devoted to Team Building for the team I am on at work. This borders very close on the touchy-feely thing that I so dislike at work. While it gets close to that, it is actually a useful use of our time in that we learn more about each other, how to interact with one another in order to attain our team goals.

I am not particularly fond of this – I feel so - exposed. But, this time around I have a bit more vested in the process than in previous times where I have done similar work. I have been asked to be the technical lead of our infrastructure team, and the wallflower in me cringes while my ego swells.

Can you say, “Conflicted?”

So. Perhaps some of you are aware of a Personal Profile System. The front of the workbook says that this system enables you to:

• identify your behavioral profile,
  
• capitalize on your behavioral strengths,
  
• increase your appreciation of different profiles, and
  
• anticipate and minimize potential conflicts with others.
  

The participants answer a bunch of multiple choice questions and eventually come up with a DiSC score and graph: Dominance, Influence, Steadiness and Conscientiousness are graphed to give you a profile. My profile, a 4355 = Perfectionist – high S and C, but not real high. I’m actually quite middle of the road, but I need somewhere to hang my hat, I guess.

Okay, all this mumbo-jumbo does have a use. When working with people on your own team, sometimes it helps to know how the other person processes information. It also helps to know if they are more of a driver, or if they’re a follower. Someone might be an influencer, loves being around people, while others (like me) finds it hard to be around a lot of people and tends to work alone. It’s useful to have this insight into others, if in fact you care enough to get past a stumbling block to get to a common goal.

We also filled out a worksheet which helped us to figure out how we prefer to process information, visually, audibly or kinetically (see, touch, feel). I scored equally high on visual and kinetic input, audible being a little less. However, I was surprised to learn that a co-worker scored near zero on audible input, and very high on visual. She also happens to be quite hyperactive, and has learned to channel her energy quite well. She has a very hard time sitting still, and is constantly moving (I try not to sit next to her in meetings as she can be quite active…).

Now, I have been through two other DiSC sessions in my 7 years here, and I have noticed one constant. There is always at least one person in the group who feels that his or her time is being wasted, and “all this matters on your mood” when you take the test, and “if I took the test next week, my answers will most likely be different,” ad nauseum.

IMHO - what these people fail to understand is that it is a tool, a means for getting past obstacles, forming working groups, group structure, etc. I have often heard this person lament that he cannot understand why "no one listens to me." I wonder if perhaps it really just the opposite – he is not listening to them.

I think that new dimensions, new stretches are what keeps a person alive and active. The same would hold true for the day-to-day work and achieving short and long term goals.

So I put it to you all:

1. Have you ever had training of this nature?
2. What did you think about it?
3. Did it help you?
4. Did it help your fellow workers?